Archive for January, 2011

A bookie friend of mine e-mailed me a list of  “150 ways to play” the Super Bowl.

It’s a list of prop bets that allow you to be on just about anything you want in the big game.

Will the final score of both teams added together be an odd number or even number? Take you choice and bet a dollar and a dime to try and win a dollar.

Bet this will be the first Super Bowl to ever have an overtime and you get 7-to-1. The “due theory” certainly makes this an attractive wager.

Will there be a successful 2-point conversion? You can get 4.5-to-1 if say there will be.

But the most interesting bet is No. 150 on the list.

How many times will Jerry Jones be shown on national TV after the game starts?

The over-under is 3 1/2.

Seems to me that betting the over here would be a sure thing.

About the time, I was ready to call my buddy and take 50 bucks worth of it, I noticed that he had written underneath that bet that “This is a trick and humorous question only and is not for actual play.”

The only sure thing about betting football is there are no sure things.

A bookie friend of mine e-mailed me a list of  “150 ways to play” the Super Bowl.

It’s a list of prop bets that allow you to be on just about anything you want in the big game.

Will the final score of both teams added together be an odd number or even number? Take you choice and bet a dollar and a dime to try and win a dollar.

Bet this will be the first Super Bowl to ever have an overtime and you get 7-to-1. The “due theory” certainly makes this an attractive wager.

Will there be a successful 2-point conversion? You can get 4.5-to-1 if say there will be.

But the most interesting bet is No. 150 on the list.

How many times will Jerry Jones be shown on national TV after the game starts?

The over-under is 3 1/2.

Seems to me that betting the over here would be a sure thing.

About the time, I was ready to call my buddy and take 50 bucks worth of it, I noticed that he had written underneath that bet that “This is a trick and humorous question only and is not for actual play.”

The only sure thing about betting football is there are no sure things.

“Guitar Shows and Guitar Bands”

Guitar show at the MPEC January 22

Seth Branham of White Knuckle at Old Town last Saturday.

Richard Carter

So, last Saturday started at the guitar show at the MPEC, which was actually kind of cool, but not as cool as the one last year. It seemed more crowded last year with more cool items. That doesn’t mean I didn’t find some things that I wanted, but nothing was calling to me in the same frequency as the dollar signs marked on the guitars or guitar amps.

Later that night, I did something I’ve never done at a local show or at a Dallas or Denton club. I actually stood in line at the door, because Old Town was at full occupancy. It was strange, because if you have ever seen the Michael Cera movie “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” neither Nick nor Norah ever once have to stand in line to get into a club. Not once.

So, there I was standing in line, and I got to listen to the band that I had come to see through the walls, the wooden walls, so that meant they were kind of muffled, but you could still make out the song they were playing. It was “Bad Girlfriend.” You know that tune with the Cult guitar lick in it. Well, they sounded good and I had promised to come see them play live. I had gone to one of their practices earlier that week, and they told me about this show, right after they played “Bad Girlfriend,” so I am pretty sure they have the tune in their repertoire.

It was massive crowded inside the club: you could call it a sea of people who listen to hard rock. The other back bar was also crowded, but the patio was almost empty. In my perfect world, that patio would be where everyone would be smoking rather than inside the club.

I went back to see the band and fought my way up to stage left, which meant that I was right in front of Seth Branham who was laying into his guitar. Seth is one of the more deserving rockers in town. Considering his passion for music, and what he’s gone through to play it live, he deserves to have tons of people coming out to see his band. So, good for him.

Michael Christmas was also whaling on the drums, and in bands like White Knuckle, you really need a monster drummer, and he is that—without doubt. It’s kind of hard to believe that his grandfather was THE Kenny Brewer, an area country legend who has sadly passed.

I hung out for a while on the front row of the White Knuckle show getting my right ear blasted with the PA. I then told Seth that he had a Marshall amp and those were made to go louder. Because I knew he was going to do that soon, I retreated—partly to save my ears and also to save my eyes.

On my way out I ran into another whale of a drummer and he told me that his band is about to put out their first CD. So, if you happen to be in Hastings soon, you might want to check for the Minor Prophets CD. I forgot to ask him the name because there were some cute girls around.

I got out of the club and flooded my eyes with Systane eye drops. Next week, I will be writing from somewhere  also very interesting, and in February I will be going to Dallas to see my favorite band.

Stay tuned.

I just got off the phone with some guy in Pakistan or Istanbul or the Kingdom of Kabul or some place I don’t plan on vacationing anytime soon.

The IRS and ADP — and quite possibly the CIA, FBI and YMCA — don’t believe I used by flexible spending account on drugs. Even though all of the 60 bucks worth of questionable purchases were from Aetna RX Home Delivery.

Does Aetna RX Home Delivery deliver big screen TVs?  No.

Does Aetna RX Home Delivery deliver pizzas? No.

Will Aetna RX Home Delivery bring a hooker to my house? Wishful thinking.

Aetna RX Home Delivery is just what it is — an insurance company that sells you legal drugs.  And if the CIA and FBI are listening, I stress LEGAL DRUGS.

My phone friend in Uzbekistan was very courteous, but his English sucks.

I struggled through the conversation, repeatedly asking him to repeat the pig latin he was speaking.

Then we got to the part where he tells me where to mail my receipts.

Alpharedda, Georgia.

Can you imagine some guy from Uzbekistan trying to pronounce ALPHAREDDA, GEORGIA.

Heck, I can’t pronounce ALPHAREDDA and I’m an American.

A as in Andijan.

L in Liechtenstein.

P as in poppy fields.

H as in Hamas.

A as in Ali Baba.

R as in rekordowe

E as in ESPN-Islamabad

D D A as in Death to Dumb-ass American

The guys in Vegas know a lot more than any of us about the NFL, but I’m still surprised that Green Bay is the betting favorite. A month ago you could bet the Super Bowl and you had to give 4 or 5 points if you wanted to take the AFC. Now you get the No. 2 seed from the AFC playing the No. 6 from the NFC and you get 2 1/2 or 3 points with the battle-tested Steelers.

Aaron Rodgers is the hotter QB. Green Bay has a good defense.

But with Pitt you get a good big-game QB, a good defense and a solid running game.

I’ll be rooting for the Packers, but right now I think I’ll be picking the Steelers.

So who out there is planning a Pro Bowl party on Sunday?

Isn’t it strange how the NFL has now replaced baseball as our national pastime, yet few people care about watching the league’s annual all-star game?

My football season ends on Super Bowl Sunday. So playing the Pro Bowl the week after the Super Bowl was a week too late.

And although now playing it the week before the Super Bowl is better than before, it seems like playing it now is still a week too early.

This way you also don’t get any Steelers or Packers in this all-star game.

What you really have is a bunch of good players who would rather be somewhere else.

Maybe it is time to just do away with the Pro Bowl?

I don’t think anyone would really miss it.

We have been watching real NFL games now for 20 straight Sundays, so there is a good chance we pro football junkies will start having withdrawals Sunday afternoon.

The only fix is the Pro Bowl — at 6 p.m. on Fox.

Unless you are into the Winter Games or want to see a taped replay of the Australian Open, you really have no other sports options.

For Cowboys fans, this will be your only chance this postseason to watch your heroes play.

Jason Witten, Andre Gurode, Demarcus Ware, Jay Ratliff and Mat McBriar are all starters for the NFC.

The ink barely had time to dry on the morning newspaper when an angry email showed up in my editor’s inbox on Monday.

Two headlines in the sports section no less had one reason asking for a correction.

The first one was on Page 1C. It read “On to Dallas.”

The second one was over on Page 5C. It read: “Big D leads Green Bay Packers to Big D.”

The e-mailer wanted to remind all of us that Super Bowl LVX will not be played in Dallas.

Fact is, not only will the game not be played in Dallas, the teams won’t even be arriving, staying or leaving in Dallas.

They will arrive and leave at the DFW Airport, which is located within the incorporated cities of Coppell, Grapevine, Euless and Irving

The Packers will stay in Las Colinas, which I guess is really Irving.

The Steelers will be in Fort Worth.

Green Bay, however, will hold its practices in University Park — on the SMU campus.

The Steelers will practice in Fort Worth — at TCU.

The game will be played in Arlington.

Heck, it’s possible most of the Steelers will never set foot in Dallas the whole week of the Super Bowl.

But the Dallas Cowboys haven’t played a game in Dallas in almost 40 years. Yet they were never the Irving Cowboys. Nor are they now the Arlington Cowboys.

Southfork Ranch is really located in Plano. But that long-running TV series about the Ewing family was called “Dallas,” not “Plano.”

I have heard a lot of people  refer to this Super Bowl as “The Road to North Texas.”

That’s OK with the folks from Wisconsin and Pennsylvania.

But to people in this part of the world,  the road to North Texas leads to Denton.

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“Where else are you going to hear Stan Getz?”

Richard Carter

I remember, back in the day, going to restaurants and even to cafeterias in town, and there would be live music playing. As I recall, the old Furr’s Cafeteria in Parker Square had a piano player from time to time and even a harpist.

The old days, in terms of dining and fine dining, were very different than what they are now. I am not sure why they used to have live instrumental music, but I do remember it, and I remember it being nice.

Of course, people who want to be cool will tell you that dinner music at their house is like a Thelonious Monk or Steely Dan CD or something in that range. I don’t remember ever turning up the stereo whenever my family sat down for dinner.

I do remember the wonderful ambiance that live music gave a nice dinner or lunch though. And, so, while I normally eat at Salt & Pepper Mediterranean for lunch, I wanted to go there for an evening with the live musician, Mike Cantwell, they have on Friday and Saturday nights.

Where else are you going to hear Stan Getz played live in Wichita Falls?

Cantwell sits near the bar and uses backing tracks on an iPod—normally piano, bass and drums or brushes—and he plays wind instruments live. This evening he was focusing on saxophone.  After the end of one song, he adjusts his iPod and plays something equally smart and soothing.

There were a number of people sitting near the bar, which is not always the norm, and there was more of a festive feel near that area. Other times, when I have come in at night, it was darker and a little more formal like it was in the rest of the restaurant that evening.

His sax playing is very smooth is a Stan Getz sort of way, and if you love Astrud Gilberto and the whole “Getz Gilberto” samba sort of thing, it’s ideal. His sax is not amplified and is perfectly loud enough.

The songs are three to four minutes in length and smoothly flow into one another with only the mildest of interruptions.  Deeper into the restaurant, I suspect that the music dissipates and plays the way it might in a restaurant, as opposed to a lounge.

The actual area tonight around the bar almost suggests a lounge in a sort of jazzy sort of way.  Cantwell just finished a song called “Shadow of your Smile” from the movie “The Sandpiper.”

Most of the music is familiar, and when you stop to think about it, does not intrude enough to make a listener instantly recognize it. The point of the music is to not to intrude on diners but always to keep a sort of pleasing musical ambiance in the restaurant to facilitate conversation and dining.

To me, it’s fascinating the difference you get between a CD (or a Pandora program) and that of a live musician who tailors the sound to the immediate mood on the spot.

I am a large fan of live music. And in this case, a quartet can be effectively self-contained in an amp, an iPod and a saxophone. The warmth of a live saxophone is immediate and could not be reproduced without a significant sound system.

It’s the best of both worlds

Right after a “Day of Wine and Roses,” Cantwell effortlessly plays a Lady Gaga song—not that you would recognize it by anything but the really nice melody line.

Green Bay vs. Pittsburgh playing a Super Bowl in the house that Jerry built — I don’t think this is the way Mr. Jones had things planned.

The Dallas Cowboys have won five Super Bowls.  They would have won nine if it hadn’t been for the Packers and Steelers.

The Cowboys were one win away from going to a Super Bowl and being huge favorites to win it in both 1966 and 1967.  Green Bay beat them twice in NFL title games.

In 1966, the Cowboys had first-and-goal at the Green Bay 2 late in the game, but tackle Jim Boeke got called for a false start and Don Meredith eventually threw an interception in the end zone.

Packers 34, Cowboys 27.

A year later the famous Ice Bowl was played at Lambeu Field. Bart Starr’s quarterback sneak for the winning touchdown sent Green Bay back for another Super Bowl title.

Packers 21, Cowboys 17.

Then in the next decade, the Steelers beat Dallas twice in Super Bowls.

When I think of Super Bowl X, I see Lynn Swann making an acrobatic catch over Mark Washington.

Steelers 21, Cowboys 17.

Three years later, Dallas got a Super Bowl rematch with Pittsburgh.

It will always be the Jackie Smith Drop Bowl to me.

Steelers 35, Cowboys 31.

And now we get the Packers vs. the Steelers in Cowboys Stadium for Super Bowl XLV.

The only thing that could be worse would be to invite Joe Montana and Dwight Clark as guests for the opening coin flip.

Does America need health care reform?

The Democrats say yes

Republicans say no.

I have never read the health reform bill that Democrats consider the crown jewel of the Obama presidency and Republicans have vowed to abolish.

Most of those lawmakers have never read it either.

But why should they?

We the people will pay for their health care for the rest of their lives.

Truth is the bill is probably not nearly as good as the Democrats say it is and not nearly as bad as all those lobbyists are paying the Republicans to tell us it is.

Yesterday, I paid $1,200 for one 90-day prescription.

And I have health insurance.

So you make the call — does America need health care reform?

I think you already know my answer.

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Ricky Gervais needs to host every celebrity award show from now until the day he dies.

He was the reason I watched the Golden Globes this weekend. Maybe it was see to Emma Stone, who I didn’t recognize as a blond, and maybe it wasn’t.

But I turned the channel to the GGs because of Gervais. I know he likes to do a little celebrity bashing, and that is exactly what he did.

His line about “The Tourist” was hilarious. He also stuck it to Tim Allen. Steve Carell also got a taste.

I don’t think a lot of people take the actual Golden Globes very seriously, so why should Hollywood want to make it stuffy with some favorable presenter(s) who needs the love of the famous he or she’s amusing.

Just let the guy do his thing. He’ll keep me tuned in.

The more I watch these NFL playoffs, the happier I am that the Cowboys are going to hire Rob Ryan as their defensive coordinator.

Rex Ryan, in my humble opinion, is the star of this postseason show.

And jumping on that Ryan bandwagon by hiring his twin brother sure seems like a smart move.

There are great coaching genes in the Ryan family.

Buddy Ryan, the dad, coordinated the best defense I have ever seen with the Super Bowl champion Bears of 1985.

Rex has been a head coach for two years and both times has taken the Jets to the AFC championship game.

Rob has to be a great coach. It’s in his blood.

The two Ryan twins were born just 90 miles up the road in Ardmore, Okla.

Their daddy grew up right here in our readership area — Frederick, Okla.

Both sons played college football for a Lone Star Conference school — Southwestern Oklahoma State.

I like everything I see in Rex Ryan — his honesty, his no BS style, his unbelievable coaching adjustments.

I am pulling for Rex to win a Super Bowl ring.

Then maybe in the next year or two, his twin brother will get one.

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Beatlemania on the Way, and Other Things

Richard Carter

Well, I am talking with David Thompson right now, the guy behind the fabulous open mics at The Spot, an he told me it’s looking good that they will also be doing open mics downtown. That will

More great talent at the Spot

start sometime in February at the new Alley Cat collective, which will be moving next to Mansion II. The shop will be in the old TSO building, and the open mics will likely be in the afternoons.

And, the best thing is that it will be non-smoking.

We are at the Spot tonight getting ready for the open mic, which is still happening every other Thursday night. The food and the atmosphere are great.

One of the things I have been missing is hearing (or at least hearing about) new bands–whether they be high school, college or older. The bands that are currently playing have mostly have all been around for a while, and it is good they aren’t breaking up. But still, some occasional newness makes the world go round.

Is the area music scene in trouble? Dynamic means healthy. That said, I cannot to hear the newly reformed Fury, and there was going to be a new CD by Dr. Philgood and the Lets Get It On’s up until last week.

What happened was that someone broke into guitarist and drummer Steve Welch’s place and stole his laptop, which contained all of his recordings for the new Dr. Philgood CD. If you know anything about where that laptop might be, please let Chris Roberson know. He’s at the Spot every Tuesday and Wednesday. The band would really appreciate recovering all their hard work.

I am here typing on my iPad and just now remembering that the Gorillaz just released their new album, which was completely recorded on an iPad on tour. I can’t imagine how cool it was to see them live on that last tour. The album was great, and a number of their special guests showed up live.

I did talk to Louise Harrison, the eldest sister of George Harrison, last Saturday and she is quite an interesting person with a lot of neat stories to tell about mid 1960’s Beatlemania. Considering she was there backstage for a lot of the Beatles shows in 1964 and1965, that’s pretty cool. The other good thing is that she has her brother’s sense of humor, and he really had the best sense of humor in the band.

Her band, Liverpool Legends, will play January 29 at Memorial Auditorium at 7:30 or so, and they do like 5 costume changes, and songs from all of the Beatles’ periods including “Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band” and “Abbey Road.” It should be a really good show (think Ed Sullivan for that paraphrase). And, about a week after that, the band 1964: The Tribute, which is also an amazing Beatles tribute band will also be playing in town at the Wichita Theatre

It turns out that I met the Liverpool Legends Ringo a while back, when I met the Ringo for 1964 and interviewed him. Funny guy, great drummer and a pretty decent singer.

Just came back from opening up the open mic with me noodling around on a cheap Takamine acoustic guitar that was impossible to play. Needless to say, I need some time if I am going to go in front of a crowd and play music, if you know what I mean.

I did get to introduce Wade who is doing a much more funky version of “Sweet Virginia” than I would ever be capable of playing. I blame my lack of funk on listening to nothing but France Gall this year and loving every minute of it.

It was cool to see 7,200 people jam into Kay Yeager Coliseum to see the first hockey game ever played in Hooterville Falls.

Kay Yeager showed up in the joint named for her and tossed the first puck instead of dropping it on the ice. No big deal. The former mayor was learning a new game, just like about 7,000 others.

But the magic of Jan. 3, 2003 quickly vanished.

Today they can give tickets away and not get a crowd like that.

Just last Friday night, our hockey team gave a freebie to anyone who asked and River Creek Golf Course was also handing out free green fees — and the game only drew 5,465.

Now that’s a hefty crowd at KYC. And I am sure they sold a lot of beer, but how long can hockey stay in Hooterville when the team playing in front of 5,000 empty seats ever night.

Hockey attendance here is good by NAHL standards.

The Wildcats have averaged 1,849 in 16 home games. Take away the freebie crowd night and the average attendance is still a decent 1,608.

Wenatchee, Wash. leads the league in attendance with 3,215. Corpus Christi, Fresno, Fairbanks and Topeka are all above 2,000. The Wildcats come in at No. 6 in the 26-team league.

The Motor City Metal Jackets from Trenton, Mich., are at the bottom with an average of 466.

Hooterville is not a hockey town and it is never going to be.

Heck, I’m not sure what kind of a town this is.

Country singers and professional wrestling will always sell here.

The only chance hockey has of drawing a crowd is to either give the tickets away or put a really kick-ass team on the ice.

They tried one the ticket giveaway.

Now try the other one.

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What do you get when you put 1,000 fans into a 20,000-seat coliseum?

The Memphis Grizzlies and the Charlotte Bobcats.

On Monday night in Charlotte, only about 1,000 people showed up at Time Warner Coliseum to see a game between two of the worse teams in the NBA.

A bad ice storm in Charlotte and the BCS national championship football game on TV were the two big reasons for why 9,000 sold tickets went unused.

But it could be worse.

Just ask the old Houston Mavericks.

Many of you have probably never heard of the Houston Mavericks, but they were a charter member of the old ABA.

They were only in Houston for two seasons (1967-68 and 1968-69). They played their home games in the Sam Houston Coliseum.

That old downtown coliseum could hold 7,000 people.

The pro basketball team never came close to that.

In fact, when the Mavericks played their final home game on April 2, 1969, only 84 people showed up to see it.

I think I have seen more people than that waiting for a table at Cheddar’s on a Friday night.

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The saddest part of  the Arizona massacre was the death of 9-year-old Christina Green.

God forgive me, but when I saw that smiling mug shot of her murderer in today’s paper, I wanted to kill his sorry ass.

To think that this worthless piece of trash  killed this innocent little girl just to get his 15 minutes of fame — well, it just doesn’t get any worse than this.

Oh yes it can.

Now those kooks up in Kansas are saying they plan to show up and protest the girl’s funeral.

Westboro Baptist Church didn’t invent hate, but it has certainly given it a whole new meaning.

These idiots say they will show up to protest the funerals of all six shooting victims.

“Thank God for the violent shooter,” their sick leader wrote on their sick Web site (godhatesfags.com).

The nuts say that the shooting of a Congresswoman and a federal judge is God’s way of punishing the government for going after their church.

So what did that little girl ever do to them?

She’s Catholic.  They hate Catholics because they say God hates Catholics.

Some people in Tucson are planning to counter the protest by forming a non-violent “angel squad” in which volunteers will wear 8 x 10 angel wings to completely shield the people attending the funeral from these weirdoes.

Personally, I would prefer a firing squad.

College football will crown a fake national champion tonight.

Either Auburn or Oregon will steal that beautiful Waterford crystal football.

As long as TCU is 13-0, nobody can honestly claim to be the champ.

Auburn knows that better than anyone. The Tigers had a 13-0 record and won the prestigious SEC championship back in 2004 but had to sit and watch USC and Oklahoma play for the fake national title.

I will watch tonight’s game because I love football.

But I would love even more to see the Frogs get a shot at the winner.

TCU, in my opinion, proved in the Rose Bowl that it is worthy of at least playing for the title.

If you have been watching all these bowls, you know that if NCAA Division I football had that postseason playoff  – like all other divisions of college football do — teams like Stanford or Alabama or maybe even OU might win that big trophy.

But we will never know.

And that sucks!

“Panama”

Richard Carter

jam at The Spot

My week was officially made when I heard Mr. Fairchild learning “Everybody Wants Some” by Van Halen, and you’ll never guess who is singing. I think this could be the cover of the year. Needless to say, as much as I dislike covers, I am onboard with this one.

Everybody wants to hear more Van Halen covers.

I spoke with the tour manager this afternoon for a band called Liverpool Legends who will be playing the Memorial Auditorium on January 29. The band is a five-piece Beatles tribute band whose members were picked by George Harrison’s older sister, Louise Harrison, who was quite active with the Beatles during the ‘60s.

I will be interviewing her sometime this week, and we will do a story in the NEXT before the show. I am looking forward to it.

Wichita Falls is sort of a Beatles magnet in its own way, if you think about it. Former Beatles drummer Pete Best has played in town twice already at the Iron Horse Pub, and the band Hard Nights Day has played several times already as well. The group 1964: The Tribute has played the Wichita Theatre a number of times and is actually set to play the theater again on Feb 10.

Several of the 1964 shows ago, I got to interview their Ringo before the show, and it was really cool asking him those time honored questions that the Fab Four once answered to the press back in the ‘60s.

Supposedly, the Liverpool Legends will be doing music from 1964 through the final Beatles record “Abbey Road.” It should be a major theatrical production, and I think Beatles fans will have a blast. It will really be cool to go see both productions and note differences and similarities.

Word on the street has it that White Knuckle has changed guitar players. They are bringing their new player up to speed on their songs. I wished I could remember the new guitarist’s name, but I have heard him play and he is quite good.

Sean McConnell is supposed to be playing at the Pub on January 22, and if you have not heard him, the guy is amazing.

I heard from friends that the new Fury band continues to rehearse, and it shouldn’t be too long before we get to hear them play something. It’s a shame that they couldn’t have booked their first show for the Valentine’s Day show at the Pub with X. That would have been a total blast from the ‘80s.

For the record, and I wish you could be here to listen to the Fairchild guys put this Van Halen cover song together, it’s really cool to hear it come together. The pace is a little quicker than you would think, and the guitar parts are sort of involved with lots of tremolo bar (both John Richerson and Cody Tucker are playing Strats on the tune). But the real key to the song is the spoken interlude for the tune where David Lee Roth is talking to a girl about what he likes. That part said with a straight face and the right attitude should bring the house down.

Next week, I want to do this blog live from a restaurant with live music. I grew up going to places in town where there was a piano player or a harpist, and I think that sort of live music gets overlooked. So, until then, have a great week.

I wanted to see Cliff Lee back in Texas. After that drama was over, I would have loved to see the Rangers trade for Zach Greinke. Dealing for Tampa’s Matt Garza would have been nice and it still might be an option during the 2011 season.
But although I knew Mr. Ryan and Mr. Greenberg are in control, the negativity that comes with being a Ranger follower for so many years kept making me think the next Chan Ho Park was on the way.
You miss out on Randy Johnson and Roger Clemens so you throw big money at Park. That did a lot more to hurt the Rangers than A-Rod’s 252M ever did.
They followed that with Vicente Padilla, Kevin Millwood and a horrid trade for Adam Eaton.
To bring that philosophy to 2010/2011 the Rangers would be annoucing a five-year deal with Carl Pavano, who looked like the best veteran free agent starter once Lee had signed.
The Rangers have in-house options that may be able to exceed Pavano, but nationally I would see the Rangers rumored as a possible destination.

Some have called it censoring. Some call it editing. And then there are others who call it whitewashing.

As for me, I simply call it  bull-caca.

Leave “Huckleberry Finn” alone.

The n-word is offensive to most of us. But we are dealing with art here and the rules change.

You’re not going to put a pair of Fruit of the Looms on the statue of David, are you?

Hide David’s dong and the ghost of Michelangelo will haunt you forever.

And Mark Twain may haunt the people who run NewSouth Books for screwing up his classic novel.

The n-word is used 219 times in Twain’s original masterpiece. But NewSouth is taking out all 219 and substituting them with “slave.”

In once instance, Twain mentions a  “free n…..”

So will that now become a “free slave?” How screwy is that?

They say that the whitewashed version of “Huckleberry Finn” will allow schoolteachers to feel more comfortable teaching it in the classroom.

I once again say “Bull caca.”

What’s next — “Moby Penis?”

When I first went to work here at the paper, an old newsroom veteran offered me this advice:

“Don’t ever borrow any money from our credit union. If you do, you’ll be here forever.”

Back then, the newspaper had its own employee credit union right here in our building. And it took only a few weeks before I went against my co-worker’s advice.

That happens when you are a fun-loving single guy being paid $1.60 an hour — which was minimum wage when I started to work here.

One day I needed 50 bucks and I walked over to the credit union office and took out a loan.

Almost 39 years later, here I am still working for the paper. Guess my co-worker knew what he was talking about.

I tell this story because the guy who ran out credit union back then died this week.

Jack Hathaway was the No. 1 bean-counter and credit union decision-maker back then.

He lent me the money to buy a brand new Ford Granada when my old Pinto broke down right outside Houston. Made the deal right over the phone and drove my new lemon right off the lot.

Jack also once gave me a consolidated loan when I got weighed down in debt right after marrying Wife II. But before he gave me the check, he made my wife and I come to his office so he could help us make out a budget to live on.

It was for sure a no-frills budget. We planned so much to pay our utility bills and so much for groceries. When you are a one low-income couple with two kids, there was no much left for anything else.

So I tricked Jack.

Knowing that he was a deacon at the City View Baptist Church, I asked: “Jack, how about my tithe?”

The good Baptist — knowing that the first 10 percent of our money belongs to the Lord — was caught a bit off guard.

Finally, he sat down and figured out a new budget with 10 percent coming off the top.

As my wife and I walked away from his office, I turned to her with a big grin and said:

“Now I’ve got beer money.”