Archive for September, 2009

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the American Eagle flight attendant said, “we are beginning our approach into Hooterville Falls.
“Please set your watches back 40 years.”
I was reminded of that old joke this morning while reading our newspaper.
Only in Hooterville Falls would seizing 10 pounds of marijuana be considered a major drug bust and be a front page new story;
The top story of the day, however, was worth reading.
Al Sharpton will be speaking at MSU tonight.
Give my alma mater a round of applause for bringing in interesting speakers for its Artist Lecture Series.
Like his pal Jesse Jackson, he is a reverend without a church, but he has had a loud voice in this country for many years.
With Sharpton, you never know what you might year.
Fifteen years ago while speaking to an audience at Kean University in New Jersey, Sharpton was quoted as saying :”White folks was in caves while we was building empires. We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.”
Rev. Al has spent a lifetime defending and apologizing for his words.
He has also run for the Senate three times, major of New York City once and president once.
He remains a reverend without a church but a guy who can bring in $25,000 for a 30-minute sermon.
Not bad.
If it weren’t my poker night, I would love to hear Sharpton.
I am sure there are others who would like to hear him, too, so why does MSU hold events like this in tiny Akin Auditorium.
If Diamond Rio rates D.L. Ligon Coliseum, surely a guy like Sharpton does.

Well, I had a chance not to get beaten by anybody last week, but I missed the IP-Robinson pick and finished with 10 of 14 correct.
Wtx and Gordo both got 11 right, and we’ll go ahead and get them both shirts because I think our computer program that determines who got the tiebreaker right is messed up. So guys, e-mail me at duncanz@timesrecordnews.com so we can get you a “Football Freak” shirt.
Lots of teams are on byes this week, so we’ve got a bunch of 6-Man games on the docket. That should make things a little harder.
And here’s the season running total:
1) Rcc — 49
1t) Football 12 — 49
3) Me — 48
4) Jacksooner — 46
5) Oldwildcat — 44
4)

After seeing my 4-12 picking record after the first week of the NFL season, an old poker pal of mine sent me an e-mail saying:
“My dog got six right.”
I tried to explain to G-Dawg that I was on vacation that week and the obit clerk did my picking for me.
But all his narrow mind could see was 4-12 and me at the rear end of the standings.
Wonder what he will say this week.
With one game left (Panthers at Cowboys tonight), I the Nickstrodomus of the NFL am 11-4 for the week.
It’s a sure thing that I will move from last to a tie for second place.
If the Cowboys cover the 9 1/2 tonight, I will be in a three-way tie for first place.
From worst to first in just two weeks.
Let your stupid OU butt-licking dog try that.

After seeing my 4-12 picking record after the first week of the NFL season, an old poker pal of mine sent me an e-mail saying:
“My dog got six right.”
I tried to explain to G-Dawg that I was on vacation that week and the obit clerk did my picking for me.
But all his narrow mind could see was 4-12 and me at the rear end of the standings.
Wonder what he will say this week.
With one game left (Panthers at Cowboys tonight), I the Nickstrodomus of the NFL am 11-4 for the week.
It’s a sure thing that I will move from last to a tie for second place.
If the Cowboys cover the 9 1/2 tonight, I will be in a three-way tie for first place.
From worst to first in just two weeks.
Let your stupid OU butt-licking dog try that.

Well, we had the first “No Way” upset of the season on our hands over the weekend.
A team that I’ve said repeatedly would go 10-0, Holliday lost to Jacksboro in a 28-27 thriller.
I still think Holliday is the team to beat in 5-2A, but obviously it has some flaws. It gave up some big plays to Jacksboro, and the passing game is a concern right now for Coach Wolf. And Henrietta or Bowie could very well beat the Eagles in district.
Losing Tyler Cole on defense early in the game probably had something to do with a couple big pass plays, but that’s no excuse for the loss.
And what a great win for Jacksboro. Before this, I thought the Tigers were a playoff team in a mediocre 9-2A. Now — I think the Tigers are the favorites.
Some more thoughts over the weekend:

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Before I give some insight into the weekend games, I thought I would share my thoughts on Munday’s 43-28 win over Olney.
So here we go:

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“My bad” is making My sick and My tired.
I hear it everywhere I go.
At church.
At work.
At the poker table.
At the golf course.
At ballgames.
At the grocery store.
At restaurants and watering holes.
I’m not exactly sure when it became a part of the English language. But I do wish it would go away.
The phrase is stupid and annoying.
Plus it is grammatically wrong.
My is an adjective. Bad is an adjective.
You may have been asleep in high school English class when the teacher told you that an adjective can not modify another adjective. If it did, it would be an adverb.
Some say Manute Bol got it all started when he came to the NBA in the 1980s.
When he threw a bad pass or did something wrong on the court, the Sudanese center would say “My bad” instead of “My fault.”
His Golden State teammates then started saying it and it caught on in the NBA.
From the NBA, it probably went to the streets.
Then to the schools.
To the movies (“Clueless”)
To television (“Scrubs”)
And eventually it ended up everywhere in my life.
So the next time you see me, please avoid “My bad.”
If you say it, “My pissed.”

I’ve only got one thing to say to you poor souls out there who sent $19.95 to a post office box in order to collect your millions in a sweepstakes giveaway.
Are you out of your (bleeping) mind?
I’m betting the only diploma hanging on your wall is from a defensive driving school.
If it isn’t bad enough that you are buy into this scam, it’s even worse that you would call somebody and admit doing it.
We had a front page story in the paper on Tuesday where the Better Business Bureau in Hooterville Falls reported “We got a lot of calls on that last week. It was pretty steady.”
You might as well have sent Nicky G another $20 and I would have sent you a scarlet “D” to wear around and let the whole world know what a dumb ass you are.
That’s OK. I still have an offer no idiot can resist.
I am now selling brains.
When God passed out brains, you fools thought he said “rain” and grabbed an umbrella.
So send me $19.95 and I will put a brand new brain in the mail for you today.
And a limited time only, I will throw in that scarlet “D” absolutely free.

I type in the area’s stats that run in Thursday’s paper every week, and sometimes I come across stuff that I find interesting.
Here’s what I found this week:
* There isn’t a team averaging 300 yards rushing per game. It seems like every year one or two run-based teams are in this range. Last year, Burkburnett, Archer City and Quanah ended the regular season with more than 300 per game.
Quanah was over 300 last week, but its average went down a few yards after a loss to Munday.
* City View is leading the area in rushing with 286.3 yards per game. Pretty crazy the Mustangs are the best running team right now. The schedule gets a lot tougher in a few weeks, so I guess we’ll wait and see if they can hold onto the lead.
Rider is averaging 130 yards a game, about 70 less than the next closest team. Graham, Henrietta and Holliday are averaging more yards per game than Rider’s year total of 392.
* Olney’s Reed Mankins is on pace to average a 1,000-yard receiving season. He has 20 catches for 420 yards and 6 TDs already. He might not get there, but Olney showed last week that it will throw the ball even if Callen Pittman isn’t the QB anymore.
* Quanah is giving up 8.3 yards per carry. That seems like an awful lot (not all teams give team defensive stats, so I can’t be sure this is the highest in the area or not). It’s tough to play defense when the other team always has second-and-two.
* Not a stats note, but a note that includes a stat. I found out tonight from Coach Corcoran that Munday’s Jonathan Birkenfeld tore his ACL against Quanah over the weekend. Birkenfeld had 306 yards and three touchdowns on the season — and he was having a big game against Quanah before he went down.

George W. Bush took time off from his busy schedule of searching for weapons of mass destruction to show up for Jerry Jones’ big shindig on Saturday night.
He flipped the coin at midfield to help open the new Cowboys Stadium.
The Giants called heads.
George W. flipped tails.
Tails was so symbolic of the eight horse’s ass years of his presidency.
If Jerry had invited Bill Clinton instead, the Giants would have probably won the flip.
He would have flipped heads — what his eight years in the Oval Office are best remembered for.

It is hard to believe we’re near the midway point of the 2009 regular season. Several teams finish up non-district this week.
Here are some quick thoughts about what happened over the weekend, which included a couple surprises, a couple big performances and a few observations:

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Again this week, no tiebreaker was needed as Football12 won 13 of the 14 games. The one he missed was Rider-Tyler John Tyler.
Five other people got 12 of 14 correct, which beat me. I was 11-for-14, missing the Olney-Jacksboro, Vernon-Breckenridge and Crowell-Valley games.
Also, Week 5 games to pick are not up yet because our IT guy was out of town this week, but hopefully he gets to it Monday. Then you can make next Friday’s selections.
So Football12, e-mail me at duncanz@timesrecordnews.com so we can get you a “Football Freak” T-shirt. Also, RedRaider83 (last week’s winner) still needs to get in touch with me for the same reason.
Here are your top overall “Sack Zach” standings.
1) Football12 — 41
2) Rcc — 40
3) Me — 38
4) Jacksooner — 36
5) Oldwildcat — 35

So Graham scores on a short run with 42 seconds left to go up 38-6 against Iowa Park last night.
Then the Steers go for two, with the pass falling incomplete.
I don’t think IP coach Chris Ellis was thrilled with that, and I’m sure some Hawks fans thought Graham might be trying to pile on the points.
I asked Graham coach Brad McCoy what the reason was for the conversion.
He said that the Graham-IP JV game had been canceled earlier in the week because the Hawks had so many kids sick or hurt. So McCoy suited up all his players (which explained why there were so many players on the Graham sideline) on homecoming weekend.
He wanted to give some of his JV guys a chance to step on the field this week, so he sent out the JV offense for the conversion.
Should McCoy have done that? I’m fine with it, but I don’t know how well it went over on the IP sideline.

Well, I am leading our high school periscope picks heading into this week. I might be consistent there, but I have not been consistent in making my predictions every week on here.
A couple reasons for this. One week I had tons of personal stuff going on, yesterday I went on a last-minute trip out of town for the entire day. But no more slacking or excuses.
I plan on having this up by every Thursday afternoon from now on. Now onto the picks:

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Poor Joe McCarthy.
He was born 50 years too late.
If he were around toestday, he would have his own shown on Fox News.
The Republican senator would be making millions of dollars doing what he did best, pointing his finger and calling people communists, socialists, atheists and czars.
Beck, O’Reilly, Hannity, Gingrich and McCarthy.
The more hate the better.
The “fair and balanced” network would love it.

Memo to the people running this i.d.e.a.WF program — stamp Nicky G’s name on that $20,000 check.
I think I’ve got a business idea for you that nobody can beat.
It would also solve the financial problems of the Castaway Cove owners and take the good tax-paying folks of Hooterville Falls off the hook for a $4 million bailout.
Turn Castaway Cove into the first ever Hooters water park.
What better place to do it than Hooterville Falls?
Start listing all the great attractions our town has.
The Crepe Myrtle in the park?
The littlest skyscraper?
The chocolate falls?
A Beanie Burger?
The chick with the long eyelashes?
In other words — Nada.
But people would come from miles around to see the first-ever Hooters water park.
OK, I am a grandpa and I don’t want to take this water park away from little kids.
But we don’t have to.
Open the park up for kids and their families in the daytime.
Then shut it down around 6 or 6:30 in the evening and party down all night.
Beer, big screen TVs, a big pool and hooters galore.
Hopefully, that i.d.e.a.WF check is in the mail.

I have never fumbled once in an NFL game.
Never thrown an interception.
Never missed a field goal.
Never missed a tackle or a block.
At the same time, my NFL stat sheet reads:
Zero carries. Zero catches. Zero passes. Zero yards.
I am one big Zero.
Yet Nicky G is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Yep, I’m there enshrined in Canton forever.
On my trip to Cleveland last week, my best buddy and I drove to Canton for our first ever visit to the pro football shrine.
The best thing about the Hall is this one huge room which contains all the busts of the inductees.
The room is dark and the mood is somber.
The only lights shine on the busts, which are displayed in chronological order of induction.
There are three video terminals at the end of the room in which you can see the highlights of the careers of each inductee.
As I was viewing Roger Staubach’s career, I saw myself.
It was 1979, the final game of the regular season at Texas Stadium.
Staubach lobs a touchdown pass to Tony Hill and there I am standing on sidelines at the goal line right next to the pylon.
Nicky G, a pro football Hall of Famer forever.

Found out Tuesday afternoon that Callen Pittman did indeed tear his ACL and will have surgery next week.
I wrote about it in Wednesday’s paper, but I thought I’d share my thoughts on the devastating injury to Olney’s QB.

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I am not exactly sure what “A whop bop-a-lu a whop bam boo” means, but it stirred something up inside of me that has lasted a lifetime.
Ever since I first heard Little Richard sing Tutti Frutti, I am loved rock and roll.
So you can imagine what it was like for me last week when I finally got to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.
Halls of fameare like buffets to me.
You feel like you have to eat everything offered to get filled up.
But there is not way you can handle it all.
So I skipped hip-hop just like I would cauliflower and feasted on most of everything else.
Little Richard, Fats Domino, Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly — those were my favorites as a kid.
Good Golly,. Miss Molly.
Blueberry Hill.
Great Balls of Fire.
Peggy Sue.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame lets an old fart like me re-live my childhood in music.
And then came the Beatles and the Stones and Woodstock.
Hendrix, Joplin and the Doors.
Soaking in a lifetime of music in just a few hours.
Three things really stuck out in my visit to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.
One was the building itself. What amazing architecture.
Two was the memorial to Alan Freed, the disc jockey in Cleveland credited with the radio birth of rock and roll. His ashes are there on display. To quote Jim Morrison, “people are strange.”
Three was a letter written from prison by Charles Manson to Rolling Stone magazine offering to do an interview in exchange for a subscription. Again, real strange.

I will never again complain about how much money any professional athlete gets.
If the Yankees want to pay A-Rod $100 million a year, so be it.
Adrian Peterson is also worth that kind of cash. So is Kobe and Lebron.
Hell, give Tony Romo a big raise. For that matter, add a whole bunch of zeroes to Jon Kitna’s pay check.
At least these guys are athletes/entertainers.
Rush Limbaugh is still nothing but a big fat idiot.
Yet I just read where this right wing radio talk show fanatic – the biggest curse on this country since Joe McCarthy – has a brand new $400 million contract.
It is the biggest radio deal since Sirius gave Howard Stern $100 million a year for five years.
“But he has a big following,” my wife said when I told her about Rush’s big fat contract.
“Yeah,” I answered, “but so did Hitler.”
Evil tyrants usually do.