- A-Roid doesn’t tip well at Hooters
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
So ESPN posted their spin on the Alex Rodriguez book and detailed an interview that Sports Illustrated writer Selena Roberts gave about her forthcoming novel.
The story/book says that Alex didn’t stop using steroids when he was a Yankee and even went on further to say that he used steroids in high school. Alex admitted to using when he was a Texas Ranger and only when he was a Ranger.
From what I read, the ESPN story goes off an interview that Roberts had on Dan Patrick’s radio show Thursday morning and a story from the New York Daily News
But the story also goes on to bullet point a couple of things from the book, the most shocking being that Alex frequented Hooters the restaurant, probably a lot, and that he didn’t tip well.
Really can’t believe that the book dug that deep and looked into his “inappropriate” tipping at Hooters. I’m sure if Alex was “hound“ and went to Hooters a lot, then he probably tipped enough to send some of those girls to college and more. Any tip is a good tip nowadays.
I’ll admit most guys go to Hooters for the scenery. Granted, if you want to go to Hooters and tip for the scenery and a order of chicken wings, be my guest. The waitress probably flirted with you or your wife enough (if you have the gusto to take your wife with you) to deserve a bigger tip.
But don’t tell me they didn’t mind the attention they got from a superstar. I’m sure that was worth it for the waitress. And If he only tipped 15 percent, I’m sure it was still a pretty big chunk of change.
When rich people go to eat out they don’t look at the prices. Alex ordered probably what he wanted and paid for everyone that tagged along, which would amount to a pretty big tip. My 15 percent of my little $20 order is a little different from his 15 percent on his $100 order. And he has the budget to go more often.
So thanks ESPN for the awesome look at Alex Rodriguez’s life.Share
- Miss McGilicutty, please don’t read this
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
My big boss thinks I have a potty mouth.Share
Correction: My big boss knows I have a potty mouth.
That by itself doesn’t bother him because he, too, has one.
It’s those daily phone calls from Miss McGilicutty that wear him out.
You see, every time I say “pissing” in one of my blogs, it pisses her off.
Miss M. then picks up the phone and calls my boss.
She has already condemned little Nicky to spend eternity in hell, bunking with Hitler and Saddam. Now she demands that I also get fired.
I have a better idea.
Why doesn’t she read somebody else?
Like Joe Brown.
Or Lynn Walker.
No way a couple of sweet guys like them are going to piss her off.
I have been a potty mouth for long, long time — it’s hard to change me.
I want to say “do do,” but it comes out s – - -.
I want to say “fornicate” but it comes out f – - -.
What can I say?
Little Nicky was brought up white trash and then raised in a pool hall.
It all started when I was in the second grade at Austin Elementary School.
There it was written on the walls in the boys bathroom — as Raphie in “A Christmas Story” called it — “the mother of all swear words: F dash dash dash.”
I went home and asked my aunt — who took care of me while my divorced parents were out getting drunk — what it meant.
She almost had a heart attack.
“F dash dash dash” was not something she ever heard down at the Tenth and Broad Church of Christ.
“Don’t you ever — ever — ever — ever– ever — ever say that word again,” she told me.
Wrong answer to a boy who had just learned that woody wasn’t just a woodpecker.
I finally went to a real authority figure — a kid in the fourth grade — to find out what the word meant.
And once I found out that it meant a guy sticking his thing-a-ma-jig into a girl’s thing-a-ma-jig — well, that occupied about 90 percent of my mental capacity for the next 50-something years.
So, Miss McGilicutty — if you haven’t dropped dead yet — please, please don’t call my boss.
There are other sweeter writers on this site who I guarantee won’t piss you off.
- The NBA is Amazing
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
A couple of random NBA playoffs thoughts:Share
1. The Mavs are actually playing like a team. After closing out the Spurs Tuesday night some of the respect that I lost for the Mavs has returned. (I almost became a OKC Thunder fan, then I had to remind myself they are an Oklahoma team once removed from Seattle.)
They didn’t lose in the first round. “Happy, happy, joy, joy,” says Ren & Stimpy.
I don’t know when Mark Cuban will start crying after they lose in the second round, but I’m predicting game 3. They Mavs will more than likely play the Nuggets and I don’t really think the two teams match up that well.
The Mavs are better inside, but the Nuggets have the Birdman, Chris Anderson. Nene can dominate, but he hasn’t really don’t that much so far. Jason Kidd might have a better time staying in front of Chauncey Billups than he did trying to keep up with Tony Parker.
There isn’t a person on the team that can contain Carmelo Anthony when he gets going. I’m sure someone might give it an honest effort, but that’s about it.
I will add that I haven’t seen him play his heart out since he won the national championship at Syracuse. He grimaces too much, either at the call or the namby-pamby foul he just took.
J.R. Smith can also shoot the lights out when he gets going. I wanna say his 3-point percentage is somewhere in the amazing category.
2. I’m hoping the Cavs win the whole thing. And I hope they do it against the Lakers. I really enjoy watching LeBron James play. I could watch that guy play a game of 21/Horse/Pig/layups and I’d be interested.
3. Isn’t it weird watchin the playoffs and not seeing Shaq? He’s the man and you all know it.
4. Dwight Howard better work on his mid-range game if he really wants to take his team to the promise land. He can win all the dunk competitions he wants, but all that really tells me is that he should be able to block minimum of 7 shots a game with his timing and athleticism. He can technically alter all the shots he wants and appease the announcers/coaches, but he better be able to get those 7 blocks.
5. Finally, watch this video and try to tell me the NBA isn’t amazing.
PAUL BROGAN – MVP 2009
- It’s a ‘Hallmark holiday,’ but way too early to celebrate
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
In Washington, they call rating the president’s first 100 days in office “a Hallmark holiday.”Share
“They don’t mean anything, but you have to observe them.”
It is much more important to measure a president at the end of his White House stay than at the start.
But ever since FDR, it has been a custom to pass judgment on the first 100 days.
And America is giving the 44th president of the USA some pretty high marks.
The polls have Obama’s approval ratings somewhere between 63 and 68.
Part of that is because his predecessor was about as bad as it gets.
Once you’ve been married to a real bitch, that first date after your divorce doesn’t have to look good, smell good or shave under her arms to rate as a major improvement.
And face it, Bush sucked.
His final approval rating was something like 22.
Take away the Fox and Friends vote and Bush’s numbers would resemble the Texas Rangers’ earned run average — 5.89.
So Obama’s current approval ratings probably don’t mean squat.
There are some people out there who think he is the savior of the world — a guy who will lead us out of this wilderness and into the promised land.
Others still think he’s Stalin reincarnated.
Some think he will fulfill the dream of Martin Luther King.
Others think he’s a Muslim terrorist.
That’s what happens when you have 400 TV channels to choose from and the most popular 24-hour news networks become a left-right sparring match that won’t end until Jesus comes.
So what do I think?
Unlike most of the people who live here in Hooterville Falls and the great state of Texas, I voted for Obama.
Nothing against John McCain. I liked the guy. He just happened to be the unfortuante Republican who followed Bush.
But I grade the first 100 days of Obama no better than a “C.”
I don’t like billion dollar bailouts and trillion dollar budget deficits.
And I don’t give a rat’s ass if we torture a bunch of terrorists who would slit our throats if they had the chance.
I still believe, however, that I voted for the right man.
I’ll just sit here on the fence for 1,361more days and wait and watch before really passing judgment.
- Giving your boss the finger
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
The front page of the TRN today tells how our district attorney got in a pissing match with a county commissioner over the pay of investigators.Share
With many people losing jobs and others taking salary cuts, it is not a good time to be asking taxpayers to fork over 23 percent pay raises.
But if the DA really wants to get the commissioners’ attention, he should toss out the stupid charts and graphs and follow the example of Zoran Bulatovic.
In a protest over unpaid wages, this Serbian union official gave a whole new meaning to “giving the boss the finger.”
He pulled out a hacksaw and chopped off the pinky finger on his left hand.
Then he ate it
“We, the workers, have nothing to eat. We had to seek some sort of alternative food, and I gave them an example. It hurt like hell,” 9 Fingers told Reuters news service.
The textile factory reportedly once had a workforce of 4,000. Today there are only 100 employees, which should come as no surprise since nobody has been paid for years.
A couple of dozen of the workers went on a 19-day hunger strike last year, and that didn’t work.
Cutting off fingers probably won’t either.
Doesn’t that make you glad to be an American and live in a country where stuff like that can’t happen?
Over here the government would just print some more play money and bail out a company like this.
People would still lose their jobs (see General Motors) while fat cat CEOs sit behind a glass window counting their bail-out bonuses.
But over here, 9 Fingers’ protest would not go unrewarded.
“Would you like barbecue sauce, sweet n sour or honey mustard with that finger?”
- Petrolia goes with McWilliams
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
Last year when its head football job became open, Petrolia hired from within.Share
The Pirates looked to Monahans’ Chris McWilliams this time around in the hopes of turning around the football program.
- Do you see the ending to the Bull-Celtics game?
Monday, April 27th, 2009
Wow – what a thrilling Bulls-Celtics double-OT game on Saturday. Too bad I (and probably most of you) missed the ending to it.Share
For those who weren’t watching, with about 5 seconds left in the first overtime, the local Okie ABC station cuts to a weather update. Now I understand that this thing happens from time-to-time.
- Hey, “buttbreath,” I’m baaaaack
Monday, April 27th, 2009
“As I was saying before I was interrupted. . .”Share
OK, I borrowed that line from Jack Paar, which he used on his return to the Tonight Show about a month after he abruptly walked off the live late night show in a protest of censors.
But it fits.
I suddenly quit writing blogs for this site on Nov. 5, 2007.
I wanted more money.
Blogging wasn’t putting any extra cash in my pocket.
No bucks. No blogs.
I think it’s in the Bible — “Thou getteth what thou payest for.”
So I quit writing a blog and just sat back and waited for the big boss to drop to his knees and beg me for my prose and order his trusted bean counter to add more zeroes to my pay check.
Then one day I got an e-mail from corporate headquarters.
I was getting a five-percent pay cut.
The newspaper world has changed drastically in the last 18 months.
And so has my attitude.
I started blogging again not to get more money.
Now I just want to keep my job.
Doing more and getting less these days is certainly better than the alternative — doing nothing and getting nothing.
“Multi-tasking” is not good in all businesses — you don’t want your heart surgeon Twittering during a triple bypass — but it’s good in the newspaper business.
If you can write for the paper, write for the Web, shoot pictures, shoot video, sell ads, clean the urinals and change the oil in the boss’ car, it gives a better chance of avoiding the next company layoff than the guy who only writes a few columns a week.
So, I’m baaaaaack.
And although I really should think twice about writing about priests in raincoats or women with little titties, I probably won’t.
So all of you full-time Web site commenters with nicknames like “buttbreath” and “birdcrap” — especially those of you brain washed by the likes of Limbaugh, Hannity and Joe Conservative — are going to stay busy bitching about me.
Hope you had a Happy Earth Day.
How long is it going be before April 22 (that’s Earth Day for the 99.9 percent of you who don’t know) becomes a national holiday?
If Jose Cuervo can do it for Cinco De Mayo, surely Hallmark and the Post Office will be able to do it for Earth Day.
Give us three-day weekends.
Get the mall to pay some wine-o a couple of bucks to dress up with a globe on his head. Con all us parents and grandparents to pay $20 or $25 to have our kids sit on Earthman’s urine-stained lap and have pictures taken with him.
Or maybe you believe more like me and George Carlin, who once said:
“Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven’t learned how to care for one another, we’re gonna save the (f—ing) planet?
“Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The people are (f—ed).”
- Seymour makes hire; Petrolia next to go
Friday, April 24th, 2009
I have been meaning to blog about many different topics — the poor crowds at the Wildcats playoff games, the top-notch 5-4A track meet at Little Elm, the cold/windy weather that has plagued track meets all season.Share
But honestly, with a month-old kiddo around the house, I have not been able to break away. Now I have some spare time, so let’s talk some football. Mainly about the two football hirings going on in the area.
- UIL Regional track qualifiers
Friday, April 24th, 2009
I have compiled a list of our area track qualifiers for next week’s regional meets. The top two in each region will move on to state:Share
- Disney Forever and ever and ever
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
This is a pretty strong allegation, but I might just have to agree. Whoever compiled this video had a lot of time and Disney films on their hands.
Watch this and just try and imagine if you’ve seen anything in the film industry that has been done over and over.
I don’t know who sings the song; I’m guessing its French. Enjoy and do a little dance and buy another Disney film. Some film is about to go back into the vault.
- Wildcats facing elimination
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
It sounded like the Wichita Falls Wildcats’ two losses to Topeka over the weekend weren’t for a lack of effort.Share
- Wolverine: Origins
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
Don’t want to admit this, but the leaked copy of the new Wolverine film is pretty sweet. The affects haven’t caught up to the finished product, but the overall zeal is there.
Again Hugh Jackman does an amazing job as Wolverine.
For those that don’t really know the plot, here goes. Wolverine, aka Logan, is doing his everyday thing growing up when he unintentionally kills someone.
He and his brother end up running from their problems for what seems like a century and later join an elite task force consisting of other mutants to do a “Blackwater” type job on mutants.
But Logan grows a conscience in the process and leaves the task force. But not before the leader of the group, William Stryker, can get his hands on a rare and precious (completely fake) metal, adamantium, to facilitate the creation of Weapon XI.
Logan’s bones are fused with adamantium and presto – Wolverine, or Weapon X if you’re a purest.
There’s some steps I’ve missed in between, but I don’t want to drag down the film with my regurgitation of the entire plot.
But now there’s a problem. Sabertooth is out killing mutants rogue-style and Wolverine gets in the way. And so the rivalry is born between Sabertooth and Wolverine. Wolverine can do things Sabertooth can’t, and Sabertooth takes it personal.
Liev Schreiber, playing Sabertooth, does a pretty good job. He tries to do a little accent thing here and there that didn’t really do it for me though. Granted I watched the film on a two and a half inch screen, so don’t really take my word for it.
People who watch this film are either comic book nerds/fandimaniacs, or are groups (notice how I didn’t single out ladies in this category) with crushes on Jackman.
I don’t blame either. Go see the film when it opens. I think it’ll be in theaters in a couple of months.
- Final Four prediction
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
This was my final four prediction when the tournament started. You could say that I’ve done OK. I wish I would have nailed the Oklahoma-loss-to-Syracuse pick, but oh well.
I’ve never won a so called “Office Pool.” I’ve tried, trust me, but I’ve never been able to get over that Final Four hump. I pick a couple of upsets and go with the least favorited team of final four predictions to win the entire tournament. Hence the pick of Connecticut to win the whole thing. People really like UNC and Memphis coming in.
I didn’t see Michigan State making the Final Four at all. But out all the teams that are left I really could see them pulling it off against Conn and then losing to the Tar Heels. Ty Lawson is playing like a superstar. Tyler Hansbrough, not so much.
This sheet is currently leading a competition with a group of friends. If either Villanova or Connecticut win Saturday, than I’ll win the bragging rights. A championship banner for the Huskies would only add a cherry to my sundae.
I’ll be sure to run around (destination unknown) and shout from that area that I’m king. King of what, I have no idea.
Wish me luck, I could use a little.
- The Hangover
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
You really have to watch this trailer.
I have had maybe one or two nights like this in my life, but I’ve never had one like this in Vegas.
No, I’ve never woken up with a tiger in the bathroom or sharing a hotel room with Mike Tyson, but I’ve had some fun.
And I haven’t been to Vegas since I was a little one. All I really remember is my brother winning some awesome stuffed animals at Circus Circus. Cloudy memory, so take that one for what it’s worth.
Never lost a friend though, which seems to be the main comedic focus of this film. A little “Dude, Where’s My Car” meets “Very Bad Things.” ‘Where’s My Car’ was a little lame, so I hate comparing this trailer to that film but its the best that I could think of.
- To the Twittersphere
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
I don’t really know why I twitter, and I don’t know the tenses of the words so I’m not sure if I’m tweeting while on Twitter.
Anyways, I’ve liked it since I started about one month ago. Its fun to try out. I suggest starting lightly.
Now that I have the access to twitter all the time I typically do it. When I’m bored I’ll see what Questlove, the drummer of the Roots, is up to at 1 in the morning, or I’ll see what Jimmy Fallon is doing with his so called life.
But I’ve also started twatting the news from the Times Record News homepage, since I’m a company man, I try to keep my minuscule amount of followers up to date.
Look me up if you’re twittering.Share