Archive for May, 2007

Being a crime reporter can be tough some times. The demands of the job aren’t too tough; it’s the unexpected that always hits you the hardest.
I still remember seeing my first dead body. A man was trying to cross Old Iowa Park Road and didn’t make it. The photographer and I arrived a little after the accident happened, and the site is something I will never forget. He was just lying there. The ambulance took him away hurriedly as if he was going to survive, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.
I never imagined when I took this job that something like what I just describe would be something I would come across. I’m not saying this as a bad thing; I’m just saying it’s a thing.

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That’s the possibility I’ve heard circulating on the internet, I just hope it ain’t so. The trading chip of course being Dirk Nowitzki.
As Buddy Holly more famously said “that’ll be the day that I die.” I don’t want the Mavs to trade the big German for anybody, unless they can clone a Michael Jordan in his late 20s, then that would be OK.
But I guess that’s why I’m not a G.M. Could you image the trade. Just say it, “Dirk for Kobe, straight up.”
As I’m typing this, it almost has an appealing ring to it. Dirk for Kobe. Kobe the Maverick. Kobe the Maverick!
We all know Kobe probably wants to leave the Lakers, but why. Yeah his team is the LeBron Cavaliers of the West, but at least he has Lamar Odom.
I’m starting to like Luke Walton too. The Lakers aren’t that bad, and I don’t know if Kobe’s request for THE NBA symbol, Jerry West, is going to make everything better.
Everybody wants to tar and feather Dirk after their first-round exit, but is shipping him to L.A. the thing to do? Would Mark Cuban do such a thing?

I’m sure everyone is aware of the death of the pitcher Josh Hancock. He was drunk and he crashed into the back of a tow truck on April 28.
He had weed in his car, he was speeding, using his cell phone and he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt. Yes, it’s a tragedy, but what Josh’s dad is doing is even more tragic.
He should preserve the memory of his son in a different manner, and you can’t do that with a glut of lawsuits.

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I’m getting ready to go on vacation and wont’ be back blogging with you again until Tuesday, June 5.
With the national spelling bee coming up, I am repeating a blog I wrote last year. It is one of my favorites.
If you need a Nick Fix from now until June 5, just click on one of my old blogs. There are almost 250 out there now.
See you on June 5.
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Although you probably can’t tell it by reading 21st Century Nicky, I used to be a pretty good speller.
No, I never made it to the big dance in Washington, D.C., but I made it to the study hall stage at Reagan Junior High School. In the spring of 1960, I was second place in the Reagan spelling bee.
Some Barbie doll won it.
I remember at the end, when it came down to Nicky vs. Barbie, she tried to distract me by crossing her legs and giving me a small glimpse of adorable flesh.
I sat there trying to go over all the possible hard words in my mind, but what kept popping into my mind would not be found in my little Scripps spelling book.
No, Iwantolickyouallover was not in the book.
Neither was Pleaseletmeseeyourunderwear.
I became so distracted that I missed on a four-letter word.
Now, most teen-age boys are very affluent in four-letter word spellings.
But Barbie won when I spelled “gnat” — “nat.”
Heck, I could have spelled Antidisestablishmentarianism that day, but the little blonde teaser beat me because I missed “gnat.”
Why the hell is a “g” in “gnat?”
I mean we don’t spell “cat” “gcat.”
We don’t spell “rat” “grat.”

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That’s right, yesterday I got crapped on by a bird. And it wasn’t that much of a lucky day — I have the losing lotto ticket to prove it.
I was walking out of my house when splat, bird poop landed on my right shoulder. It was a strange brown/white consistency. I’m just glad it didn’t stink.
About the lotto ticket, I’ve heard somewhere that when a bird graces you with its feces you are entitled to a little extra. I figured I’d take my chance at a scratch-off. It didn’t work and I’m $6 broker.
Oh, well. I’m just glad I didn’t get pooped on by a bird today, because I know I’m gonna’ get crapped on by somebody up here at work. It always happens – I just have the ability to see it coming up here.

Congrats Portland and Seattle. And you too Memphis and Boston. You all got what you deserved.
You really shouldn’t look to a savior Boston and Memphis, because you have great superstars (Gasol and Pierce) already on your roster.
I know you want to be more competitive, and I’m not saying you tanked the second half of your season to increase you chances at picking number 1.
Greg Oden and Kevin Durant will revitalize basketball in Washington and Oregon. Talk about some franchises that needed help.

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The on-line poll quizzed “24? fans on “What was your favorite part in the season finale??
(A.) Jack saying goodbye to Audrey.
(B.) Karen and Buchanan are pardoned.
(C.) Chloe tells Morris she is pregnant.
(D.) Jack stands alone overlooking the ocean not knowing what’s next.
My answer:
(A.) Are you kidding?
(B.) Who gives a rat’s ass?
(C.) Just what the world needs — another alcoholic daddy.
(D.) If Season 7 is not going to be any better than Season 6 — JUMP.
The two-hour season finale of my favorite TV show was lame.
It was a like a combination of Spiderman, West Wing and Sleeping Beauty.
Remember Season 1 when they killed Jack’s wife at the end? Now that’s a big-time finish.
The grand finale has been slowly going downhill since them, but this was the absolute worst.
We all knew that Jack was going to save the U.S. from World War III and also save his nephew from his daddy. That’s just what Jack does.
In hindsight, I wish they had not killed off daddy.
He was a really good villain and added to a bad plot this season.
But we didn’t see him actually die — did we?
Bill Buchanan came out a hero in the end. Good for him.
He deserves a happy ending after having a bitch for a wife.
Chloe is pregnant. But who is the daddy?
Jack was in China. Couldn’t be him. (although that would really be cool)
Wasn’t me. I had a vasectomy.
Morris?
Do you really want cool Chloe to have a baby that looks like Morris?

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“Pessimism at record high in U.S.?
The banner headline on Page 1 of the paper today is an attention-getter.
A recent Associated Press poll indicates that only 25 percent of Americans surveyed believe out country is headed in the right direction.
Personally, I am surprised that the number is that high.
Even though we are blessed to live in the greatest country in the world, it is gloom and doom almost anywhere you look.
Just look at the first three pages of this paper.
Right under the pessimism story is a headline that says “Vernon man killed in Iraq.?
Then under that is a photo of price signs at a gas station in Chicago reading “$3.71; $3.81 and $3.91.? Under it is a story telling us that there is no relief in sight at the gas pump.
Turn to page 3 and the top story is about how a birth father put his 2-month-old daughter in a microwave.
The birth mother says it is not his fault.
The devil made him do it.
Then below that is a story on how former President Jimmy Carter is calling George W. Bush’s administration the worst in history.
Only a few years ago, this old peanut farmer was considered the worst president of my lifetime.
Bush is so bad that even Carter can point fingers at him — and nobody can really disagree.
So what do we do?

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I would like to be at the Pearly Gate when Christopher Hitchens arrives.
I’d like to see the look in his eyes when this idiot stares into the eyes of God Almighty.
The conversation might go something like this:
GOD: AREN’T YOU THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE BOOK “GOD IS NOT GREAT??
Hitchens: uh, uh, uh, uh, well, well, yes, buuuut……
GOD: AND AREN’T YOU THE GUY WHO ONCE CALLED MOTHER TERESA “THE GHOUL OF CALCUTTA??
Hitchens: well, I uh, well, uh, uh, uh
GOD; WAS IT NOT YOU WHO SAID WHEN JERRY FALWELL DIED THAT “IT’S A PITY THERE ISN’T A HELL FOR HIM TO GO TO.?
Hitchens: uh, what I really meant was………….
GOD: WELL, GUESS WHAT MR. HITCHENS. YOU WERE WRONG.
Waving goodbye, God points to the elevator.

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You can’t judge an apple by looking at a tree.
You can’t judge honey by looking at the bee.
You can’t judge a daughter by looking at the mother.
You can’t judge a book by looking at the cover.
Those are lyrics from my favorite Bo Diddley song.
If you don’t know Bo Diddley, then you don’t know diddley.
He was the singer my daddy wouldn’t let me listen to.
He was rhythm and blues before the white man could spell R&B.
He was Elvis before Elvis.
He was rock and roll before there was rock and roll.
Oh can’t you see.
Oh you misjudge me.
I look like a farmer,
But I’m a lover.
You can’t judge a book by looking at the cover.
Bo Diddley was also the first black man to ever be asked to perform at a prom here in Wichita Falls.
The Senior Class of 1963 at Wichita Falls High School had him play its senior dance.
That was five years before the integration of our schools.

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I’m still looking forward to game 5 of the Suns-Spurs series. Even though the outcome might possibly be tainted, I’m still going to watch.
No mater how much crying anybody does the NBA is not going to reverse the suspensions of Stoudemire and Diaw. I don’t think they should have been suspended, but who am I? Suns in Seven!
Other random NBA playoffs thoughts – the Bulls are going to push a game 7 against the Pistons. Rasheed Wallace is going to lose it, and the Bulls are going to capitalize. But, the Pistons are going to show they are the better, battle-tested team and win in 7.
The Jazz, despite how good they’ve shown themselves to be, are not going to pull off an upset of either the Spurs of the Suns.
The Cavs, are going to beat the Pistons in the Eastern Finals, and they’re going to surprise the West by winning it all. LeBron James is going to be THAT good.
Final NBA thought- I hate Robert Horry.
Tank Johnson, a Chicago Bear defensive tackle, should be suspended for the entire NFL season. After Commissioner Roger Goodell put Pacman on the sidelines for the year, after 0 convictions, he better shelf the Tank for the season after serving jail time. How was this guy allowed to play in the Florida Superbowl???

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With only two hours left in the longest day ever, “24? is making news.
First of all, my favorite TV show will be around for at least two more years.
Although the show seems to be losing its edge here in its sixth season, Kiefer Sutherland’s contract runs through 2009 and it has been reported that FOX has ordered season 7 and a season 8.
But, to quote the great Dave Barry:
“Did they also order a plot??
Also, if you watched the Republican debate last night — and God, I hope you had better things to do — you may have heard Jack Bauer’s name mentioned.
When one of the candidates whom I have never heard of and a guy who has no chance — Tom Tancredo — was asked what he would do if he was president and there was a nuclear attack on our country.
The Colorado representative answered with something like: “I’d like to call Jack Bauer.?
Well, “Tom Who?? Jack is too busy to take your call.
He has to save his nephew — even if it means starting World War III.
Personally, I don’t think the kid is worth it, but you know how those Bauers are — blood is thicker than water with them.
Just a few hours ago, Jack was torturing his brother. Then his Daddy killed the brother.
Then Daddy kidnapped his grandson and put a gun to his head. Then Daddy has Jack on his knees with a gun pointed at his head.
Wonder what Thanksgiving is like with this family.
In the first few minutes of this week’s episode, Jack and his CTU friends kill all of the Chinese gang that took over their building last week — well, all except the ones who took Josh away.
Then Jack and his pals track down Cheng and Josh, kill a bunch of other Chinese guys and rescue the kid. But Cheng gets away.

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When I saw who is coming to FallsFest this year, my first reaction was:
“Are they still alive??
I first heard Grand Funk Railroad in my hippy days — at the Texas International Pop Festival in 1969.
It was a Woodstock-like event at a race track in Lewisville that was put on just two weeks after Woodstock.
The headliners were Janis Joplin and a virtually unknown British band named Led Zeppelin.
They were paid the most — $10,000 each.
Santana. B.B. King, Chicago Transit Authority, Ten Years After, B.B. King and others were paid a whole lot less.
A band from Michigan calling itself Grand Funk Railroad got nothing.
But the people putting on the festival told them they could perform if they did it for free and paid their own expenses.
They stole the show.
They were better than Joplin.
A heck of a lot better than Zeppelin.

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Christopher Moltisanti died. My favorite character died. I was in disbelief last night. I had been following the guy for so long.
I’ve watched every episode and he’s the character with the most depth. He had so many things going on in his life. And he died in a car wreck.
I’m hoping that Tony put him out of his misery, I hope. Tony and Chris were driving down the road, Chris couldn’t keep his eyes on the road and they left the road after nearly missing another car and flipped multiple times.

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While being interviewed by Channel 6 last week, the reporter asked why I chose the newspaper business as a career.
I answered: “If it’s good enough for Superman, it’s good enough for me.?
I’m not sure what kind of reporter Clark Kent was, but even his habit of changing clothes in a telephone booth wouldn’t make him stranger than some of the characters I have worked with here at the Times Record News the past 35 years.
We once had a guy who never changed clothes.
This reporter came to work every day wearing what I swear were the same white shirt and black slacks.
He lived in a small trailer parked on a vacant lot between 8th and 9th on Ohio Street — what was Skid row when I was a kid. Every day when he came to work, he stopped off in the men’s restroom right beside the back door and shaved and washed up.
When the reporter replaced him moved into his desk, he found one large drawer full of half pint whiskey bottles.
And then there was this big-breasted girl that we once hired to work the police beat.
Some guy invited her to join the co-ed softball team, and she agreed to play.
“What’s your best position,? he asked.
“Missionary,? she answered.

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It’s mother’s day, and besides the necessary thanks to my mom, Toni, I would like to offers some insight on the importance a mom has in a son’s life. It’s more than just cooking and cleaning you know.
1. Mom teaches children patience. After putting up with dads for years, the children have to learn how to put up with other pigheaded men. Most of the time if the son doesn’t figure it out, his dad was a pretty good dude. See how arguing works for the best in a family? George Sr. must have been really whipped.
2. Endless enthusiasm and confidence building remarks. The first person to pick a son up is and will always be mom. My mom was the one who went to the games, took me to practice and was there even when I didn’t need her. Dad’s usually give tough love so to make sure their boy is a titty-baby. Moms, you’re doing the right thing.
3. Appreciation for women. Most of the time, this trait doesn’t sink through enough. But without my mom, I wouldn’t be married for almost three years with a 3-month old child. I love my wife, and even though I driver her crazy I will never stop appreciating her and what she does. Thanks mom.
4. Mischievousness. Moms don’t want their son’s to be too close, so they let the boys push the limits. It’s fun to be mischievous. I don’t know what I would do without that side of me. I mean, who doesn’t like to get into trouble?

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I always get kind of sentimental at this time of year.
That’s because I have always been a Mama’s boy.
And, boy, do I miss my Mama.
She has been gone for almost 44 years.
I was only 16 – a month before the start of my senior year in high school – when Mama was killed.
She was only 35.

Mama wasn’t the June Cleaver type mother.
She was young and liked to party.
She drank cold beer and sometimes gin and tonic.
She loved to go dancing on Saturday night.
She wore short shorts back when the churches told us that all women who wore short shorts were headed straight to hell.

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I’m glad the Rocket’s back. Its too bad he’s going to be in a Yankee’s uniform, but I’m just glad he’s back. He’s one pitcher you have to see play before you die.
The things the guy can do at his age is amazing. He defies science every time he takes the mound. Maybe when the rosters get expanded later in the season, the Yanks will call up Chase Wright, and Chase can learn a thing or two from the legend.
Roger Clemens is one of the reasons I became a Red Soxs fan. I’m a man of many different hats, I have a Rangers, Astros, Cubs, White Soxs and Yankees Cap. I love New Era ball caps. I try to be fashionable, key word try. I went to by a Red Sox cap at the mall, but my head is too big and they didn’t have my size.
Anyway…

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When I was a kid, it was a custom to wear a rose at church on Mother’s Day.
If you mama was alive, you wore a red rose.
If she was dead, you wore a white one.
I’m not sure if anyone does that any more.
But if they did, I wonder what kind of rose my kids would wear.
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Do they make black roses?
What if you just wore the thorns?
There must be some way to tell everyone you have a really crappy mother.
My kids certainly did.
Now I know I have caught hell in these blogs for calling my ex-wives bad names.
So today I want to let you know that of the three exes that I have, two are wonderful mothers.
The other one is a selfish bitch.
And the really bad thing about that is that one is the birth mother of my two kids.
She deserted them when my son was 13 and my daughter was 10.
I was in Oklahoma City covering the Olympic Festival on July 29 when she lied to them, left them with strangers and ran off to Oregon to live with an old boyfriend.
I did my best as a single parent to raise them, but it’s tough with the job I have.
Tommy is now 31 and Christy is 28.
I am so proud of the people they became.
Not perfect — but Dad wasn’t either.
Over the last 18 years, they have both tried to love their birth mom, but she has done everything she could to make that impossible.
So they understandably still have scars from being abandoned by the woman who should have loved them more than anything on this earth.

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McDonalds has stopped using white straws, I think. They have defied logical american psychology and switched colors. I bet they didn’t think anyone would notice. Well I did.
I was shocked when I unwrapped my straw today. I didn’t know what to think. I almost didn’t drink my drink. I’m so used to my white straws from McDonalds.
And for the sake of arguments, McDonalds has the best straws in the land. You gan get so much drink so quickly. Nothing can compete. And their straws really help when you have a milkshake. I know I don’t like “suckface.”
Back to the subject at hand.

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