“Forever stamp” or Jehovah Witnesses?

If you want to give your newborn child or grandchild a really nice gift, buy stamps. A thousand bucks worth of “forever stamps? can mean a real savings on down the line. The new “forever stamp? costs 39 cents. For your thousand, you can buy 2,564 stamps. If the cost of stamps continues to rise…

Baseball predictions

Even though the regular season of baseball doesn’t excite me that much, I’m starting to get more and more enamored with fantasy baseball. I only have two teams, but that’s enough for me. Here’s my run down on the season, mainly division winners and playoff predictions.

If a tornado hits, I have a game plan

With the chance of tornadoes in town yesterday, the editor scheduled a meeting to come up with a game plan on what we here at the paper should do. Because I had an interview scheduled at the same time, I wasn’t able to attend the meeting. But having lived and worked through the 1979 tornado,…

Is idiocy a requirement for vice presidents?

As goofy as our current president is — it could always be worse. We could have the vice president running the show. For the most part, vice presidents are idiots. Dan Quayle couldn’t spell potato. Al Gore invented the Internet. Dick Cheney shot his hunting buddy. The United States has had 46 vice presidents. Only…

Town gossip strikes again

An open letter to the town gossip of Hooterville Falls: As of 8:20 a.m. CDT today, March 27, 2007. neither I nor Carroll Wilson has been fired by the Times Record News. So quit telling everyone that we have. I am not going to call you by name. You know who you are. Heck, everyone…

Remembering the 50′s in Hooterville Falls

“Seventy years are given to us. Some even live to 80. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; Soon they disappear, and we fly away.? That was the way Moses looked at life in the 10th verse of Psalm 90. The best years of my life were the 50’s. I was…

Fairy Tales Suck

The combination of a Disney fairy tale and the potential of a little girl is downright dangerous. Why do we have to live happily ever after? Why is so much emphasis put on marriage for little girls? Rich children go to college; poor kids go to the JP’s office. I’ll never understand it. I’m just…

Hooterville Falls not just a ‘fast food’ town

Chef’s Table went belly-up this week. Surprise, surprise, surprise! The restaurant on Maplewood was open about a year and a half. I never went there. A buddy ate there right after it opened and told me it was way overpriced. Having grown up in Hooterville Falls, I understand that “overpriced? here often means more than…

Dancing for Dannielynn

I stayed away from “Dancing with the Stars? for as long as I could. Dancing just never has been my thing — other than maybe table dancing or lap dancing. And I really had better things to do with my evenings than watch Jerry Springer do the cha-cha-cha. But last November I just had to…

St. Patrick’s Day Festival

Thank you Danny Ahern. You are an Irish Saint with a great bar and better ideas. Last weekend’s St. Patrick’s Day Festival was one for the ages. The beer line was long, but no big deal. The music was good, but it was the atmosphere that put the event over the top.

No lions, tigers or bears — oh, my

The “Greatest Show on Earth? is no longer the greatest show on earth. Heck, it’s not even the “Goodest Show on Earth.? In fact, it pretty much sucks. So I guess P.T. Barnum — the guy who started it all 135 years ago — was right. There really is a sucker born every minute. I…

This preacher has guts

Most of the time when I get an e-mail asking me to forward it on to all the people in my address book, I usually forward it on to the delete file. And wonder how it ever got past the junk e-mail file with all the stuff from China. But this e-mail caught my attention,…

R2-D2 at your service

This will not be coming to a city near you. The new R2-D2 mail box will be distributed to about 200 cities, according to an AP article. What fun, what fun! I just hope he doesn’t shoot anybody with his laser. I was also wondering if the actor that played inside the hunk of metal…

Is My Baby Gay?

I ran across a lovely little article that was in today’s newspaper about a Southern Baptist leader who suggests prenatal therapy to prevent homosexuality works. I’ll let that sentence sink in for a second…. You have got to be kidding me. The article’s lead paragraph states Rev. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist…

Diaper Genie Discomfort

I love and hate my Diaper Genie. It contains stink, but its killing my knuckles. I know it’s hard to understand, but for the past couple of days when I’ve changed my son’s diaper I’ve come out with less skin on my hands then when I first started the diaper changing experience. Its a little…

Way to go MSU mustangs

The recent run by the men’s basketball team was very impressive. I know this blog is a little late, but I’ve have seen a competitive time like this since I was a about 10-13 years old. They won the LSC championship and made it to the NCAA Division II tournament. Eric Dawson was a beast.…

nutella

I love me some chocolate spread. According to fellow reporter Jessica Langdon, Nutella is “yummy, yummy, yummy.” It’s one of the better spreads known to man. Depending on my mood, it ranks somewhere between JIF crunchy peanut butter and All Fruit strawberry jam. And on a good day, it’s better than peanut butter. You can…

NFL draft predictions

The draft is about one month away and free agency is as hot as ever. It seems like all the possible free agents have received big deals, thanks to the increase in the salary cap, and the NFL draft is shaking down as one of the most unpredictable drafts ever. There only a few elite…

Avoiding tickets

Who doesn’t hate getting pulled over by a cop? You knew you probably did something wrong, and you’re worried about how much the ticket is going to cost you. Speeding tickets suck. Seat belt tickets are even worse. But according to an MSNBC article, there are a few tips to stick to when you see…