Archive for November, 2006

Hot dang its cold outside.
I woke up about 8 this morning and my goodness its cold. I don’t remember it being this cold — dating all the way to last year.
And I really love it when the roads get slick.
I mean, everyone should be entitled to at least one fishtail per year. Its a little rush when you jump the gas and then you rear end starts to misalign from your two front tires.

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Sorry for the “Bah humbug? blog yesterday.
But the last few days have no exactly been the merriest of times for poor little old me.
Then last night my daughter sent me a text message saying:
“Dad, I am wearing the Christmas socks you gave me.?
Last year I told her we should all make a list of 10 things we would like to do during the Christmas season.
In her message, she reminded me to start working on my list.
That’s all it took to make my day merry and bright.
Them I woke up this morning and saw the winter wonderland in my front yard.
And then I read the promise.
In my daily Bible reading — Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 — Solomon acknowledges the cycles of life.
(If you don’t read the Bible or know who Solomon is, maybe you have at least heard the old Byrds song “Turn, Turn, Turn.?)
There is a time to sow and a time to reap.
There is a time to weep and a time to laugh.
There is a time to mourn and a time to dance. (Baptists may not like that dancing part)
There is a time to gain and a time to lose.
There is a time to be silent and a time to speak.
There is a time to love and a time to hate,

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For those who read my blog, I’m back.
For those who didn’t read it, shame on you, but welcome to the show.

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We are now approximately 3 1/2 weeks away from Christmas, and I am not feeling very Christmassy.
And it’s not that I’m broke.
I’m always broke at Christmas.
I’m used to it.
We put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house the day after Thanksgiving.
That usually puts me in the spirit.
Not this year.
They say it may snow tonight.
Maybe that will put a little ho-ho-ho in this Saint Nick.
Probably not.
I just don’t really give a damn.

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I guess that because I carry the title “sports editor? and regularly offer my opinions in the paper, some people out there actually think I should have the ability to pick winners.
At least a dozen times a week, someone will talk up to me and ask my opinion about a college or pro football game.
Then, I guess, they go out and bet their hard-earned money on what I say.
How stupid is that?
First of all, if I had the ability to pick winners, why would I work a job that allows me to just live a half a notch above the poverty line?
I have a job because I can’t pick winners.
And was that more evident that this week.
To find me in the paper’s college football “periscope? this week just turn to Page 3 on Friday and then head due east.
That’s my picture on the far eastern edge of the page — behind Chris Horgen of all people.
In the NFL “periscope,? there are still two people who pick a bit worse than I do.
LOSERS
But I am still one spot east of Chris Horgen in both polls.
“Vive Paris? Horgen.
How bad is that?
My record for college football is 133-145-4.
If I had bet 100 bucks on all of those picks, I would be $2,650 in the hole.
My record for pro football is 80-92-3.
If I had been 100 bucks a game on the NFL, I would now be $2,120 loser.

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Nov. 22, 1963.
It was the day our world changed.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy was the hope of the future — a president who would protect us from the crazy dictators of the communist world and would finally bring every American those “unalienable rights? that our Declaration of Independence had promised us.
The Kennedy smile.
The unpresidential sense of humor.
The sexy wife.
JFK brought a new hope to this country.
And now he was dead — shot in the head as he rode in a motorcade down Elm Street in Dallas.
Yes — Dallas.
This was supposed to be a day that Texas would show its adoration and respect for this young, vibrant hero of a president.
Instead, we killed him.

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I turned 60 in a bar today — drinking Bud Light and playing poker.
I celebrated they day — rather than mourned about it.
And the celebration will continue tonight — 7 p.m. Ruby Tequilas.
If you want to join in — the drinks are on you.
OK, I’m getting old, but what the hell?
So are you.
Stick around long enough and you’ll turn 60.
Believe me, it’s not that bad.
Today is also Goldie Hawn’s birthday.
She is a year older than me.
Who’s sexier?
Check out Goldie at
\http://www.poster.net/hawn-goldie/hawn-goldie-photo-goldie-hawn-6204194.jpg
Check out Nicky at

http://blogs.scripps.com/trn/n_gholson/2006/06/bs_baby_stupidity_1.html

Cher also turned 60 this year.
Who’s sexier?
Her — http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/54/039_17562~Cher-Posters.jpg
Or me? http://blogs.scripps.com/trn/n_gholson/2006/06/bs_baby_stupidity_1.html
Maybe that’s not fair.
I am the only one in my underwear.

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I just got done playing with the coolest phone ever. The G’zOne from Verizon wireless.
What a doozie.
It can be dropped and it will still work, and you can even use it in the shower. What a phone, what a phone, what a phone.
I can’t reveal too much, so look for the review in Sunday’s paper. But I just wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to, and a couple random thoughts.
1. football, 2. video games, 3. being a dad.

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What a crazy day.
The playstation 3 came out last night, midnight, at Wal-Mart, and it wasn’t all that bad of a scene.
Nobody got shot, like other places, nobody got jumped, and it appears the rest of Wichita Falls had a smooth selling period.
But with only about 50 units being sold in Wichita Falls, for an estimated 100,000 people in Wichita and another 200,000 in surrounding areas not close enough to DFW or OKC, that’s not a lot.

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The PETA kooks have done gone and killed Col. Sanders.
It happened in the City of Brotherly Love a few days ago.
They soaked him in blood and hung the old colonel from a scaffolding outside of one of his own KFCs in Philadelphia.
And let a giant chicken cut his throat.
It all happened underneath a banner saying:
“KFC Cuts Live Animals’ Throats?
While the giant chicken was doing an O.J. on the Colonel, PETA members handed out leaflets to passersby informing them that more than 850 million chickens are raised and killed for KFC each year.
Make mine a three-piece white — original recipe.
Mashed potatoes and gravy on the side.
If it’s not bad enough that the Colonel’s own people have stripped him of his famous white suit jacket, now PETA kooks are branding him as a mass murderer of chickens.
I guess that also makes Popeye, George Church and Greg Stockton all chicken murderers.
Throw my dead grandma in there, too. She has wringed the necks of many a chicken to make our Sunday dinner.
Since I prefer my chickens dead and fried. So I’m siding with the Colonel, Popeye, George, Greg and grandma on this one.
If PETA can find a way of frying chicken without killing the bird, then I will listen.
What I won’t listen to is crap like this:

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I am going to visit my friend Mike today.
It will be the last time we see each other this side of Heaven.
That was the way I planned to start this blog.
But Mike Lester died this morning a few hours before my scheduled visit.
So the words I had planned to say to him will now be said to you.
I believe we are created in the image of God.
That does not mean God has a mouth, a nose, two eyes and two ears.
God is spirit.
We are spirit.
Our bodies are just earthly containers for the spirit.
They allow us to communicate and do the things we need to do in this life.
The body wears out. The spirit doesn’t.
I believe Jesus Christ is exactly who he said he was — God’s spirit in human form.
He gave us an example of how to live and how to die.
When Jesus died, the Bible says his spirit was released.
The same thing happened in that hospital room at 5 a.m. today.
Mike’s spirit was released.

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I haven’t been to a James Bond movie since “Thunderball? in 1965.
And that was a year too long.
The very best of the Bond movies came out in 1964.
After “Goldfinger? in 1964, it just hasn’t been the same.
Jill Masterson’s golden corpse.
Oddjob and his flying hat.
Pussy Galore.
It just didn’t get any better than that.
“Goldfinger? was the blueprint for Bond movies.
But the 17 that have followed it just couldn’t get there.
The budget for “Goldfinger? was $3.5 million. The box office exceeded $124 million.
“Casino Royale,? the latest Bond movie coming out this week, had a budget of $150 million
“Goldfinger? was the first Bond movie to be shown on U.S. television. At the time (Sept. 17, 1972), it drew the highest Nielsen Ratings for any film with 49 percent of the viewers.
Although I quit going to Bond movies 41 years ago, I have seen most of them on TV.
Sean Connery was James Bond.
The five guys who followed him were mere imposters.
Roger Moore wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t Bond.
Pierce Brosnan was Remington Steele.

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Old people have the best conversations. I’m guessing it’s either because they hold no punches or they’re not afraid of the answer they’re going to get.
During my hospital visit, where a lot older people hang out, I overheard two older gentlemen, probably in their 80s, discussing death.
One gentleman had just had a tumor removed from behind his ear, and the other man, a good friend, I assumed, was there with his mother – getting her treatment.

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Elton John wants to “ban religion completely.?
I’ve got a better idea.
Let’s ban Elton John.
Hey, I will give this guy his due — he put out some great music from 1971 to 1976.
“Levon?
“Tiny Dancer?
“Rocket Man?
“Honky Cat?
“Crocodile Rock.?
“Daniel.?
“Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.?
“Candle in the Wind.?
“Bennie and the Jets.?
“Philadelphia Freedom.?
“Pinball Wizard.?
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.?
Elton John was no one-hit wonder.
But you have to wonder what has happened the last 30 years.
It’s been a long, long time since this guy has written a decent song.
If you can name any song that Elton John has written since 1976, then you are a huge fan, and you need to stop reading this right now. All I’m going to do is piss you off.
This chubby little 60-year-old fruit now wants to rid the world of religion because he says it promotes hatred toward gay people.
My religion preaches to love your neighbor as you love yourself.
That’s hatred?
OK, I admit Christianity has its share of phony baloney preachers who spew hate from the pulpit, yet don’t practice what they preach.
But please, don’t judge Jesus Christ by the hypocrites that he himself publicly exposed when he walked this earth.

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When I got my monthly toy bill for $6,996,131.31, and my checking account balance is now $36, I had to call and complain.
“Thank you for calling TX-ScrewU Cable, Cell Phone, Internet and Other Crap.
Where we remain dedicated to extracting every nickel out of you we can get.
“For quality control reasons, this call may be monitored or recorded.”
Now what the heck does that mean? If I start dropping F bombs and S missiles during this call, will someone come on and threaten to come wash my mouth out with soap?
Or will they send the CD to my pastor?
Or even worse, to Pope Robert?
“If you want this call in English, press 1.
“For Spanish, press 2.
“For Orthodox Greek, press 3.
“For Trinidad and Tobago, press 4.
“For Pig Latin, press 5.
“Or if you want me to shut up and you just guess what I’m saying, press 6.
I thought about pressing 5 and later wished I had pressed 6. But I pressed 1.
“For automated account balance or other general information, press 1.
“For billing information or other additional info, press 2
“To order new service or add to your existing service, press 3
“To report problems or get technical assistance, press 4
“To disconnect your service or remove features from your service, press 5
“To just piss and moan and have your F-bombs monitored, press 6
“To receive information on hemorroid removal, press 7
“To have your prostate checked, press 8
“To have a full lobotomy, press 9
“To listen to all this again in Pig Latin or Orthodox Greek, press 0.”
OK now, I’m confused, but since my bill is for more than $6 million and I have $36 in my checking account, I press 2. And later realized I should have pressed 6.

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I woke up this morning feeling a whole lot more ethical than I did yesterday.
In fact, I am one ethical guy.
I am overflowing with ethicticity.
You need compassion? I’ve got it.
Courage? I’m one courageous fellow.
Excellence? Did you ever doubt?
Fairness? You bet.
Integrity? I’m your guy.
Respect? R-e-s-p-e-c-t — Find out what it means to me. R-e-s-p-e-c-t — Take are TCB. Sock it to me, Sock it to me. Sock it to me.
Those five things are the Code of Ethics for the E.W. Scripps Company.
And I am one company guy.
When E.W. talks, I listen.
So I sat through a three-hour ethics presentation Thursday and walked out the door singing:
“Glory, glory, hallelujah,
“His truth is marching on.?
Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.

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I used to be a big “Law and Order? fan.
I watched the original one, the Criminal Intent one, the Special Victims Unit one, the Trial by Jury one and the six spinoffs with other names.
Heck, if they had come up with Law and Order: Meter Maids Division, I would watch that.
Even though Lennie Briscoe changed partners more often than he changed underwear, I still watched.
I endured two police captains, two district attorneys, seven assistant DAs and four Manhattan DA bosses.
I loved the musical introduction and the quiet ending.
I even liked the corny jokes.
But I am not alone.
You don’t reach a 17th season — like “Law and Order? has now done — unless you’ve got a show worth watching.
Three more years and you’re in “Gunsmoke? company.
That shouldn’t happen.
“Law and Order? should have ended two years ago.
There should not have been a 16th season or a 17th season.
If you’ve got to scratch a “Law and Order? itch, just flip over to some cable station.
It became a 24-hour series until now that old CSIs are starting to get a lot more cable air time.
“Law and Order? died when Lennie Briscoe died.
This show should have signed off when Jerry Orbach died of prostate cancer on Dec. 28, 2004.

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Today is a busy day for me.
With football season and basketball season intertwining, I’ve got an unusually large Wednesday workload. And to make things worse, I am once again competing in the Adult Literacy Council spelling bee.
With that in mind, I am running an encore of a spelling bee blog I wrote last spring.
It is one of my personal favorites.
Although you probably can’t tell it by reading 21st Century Nicky, I used to be a pretty good speller.
No, I never made it to the big dance in Washington, D.C., but I made it to the study hall stage at Reagan Junior High School. In the spring of 1960, I was second place in the Reagan spelling bee.
Some Barbie doll won it.
I remember at the end, when it came down to Nicky vs. Barbie, she tried to distract me by crossing her legs and giving me a small glimpse of adorable flesh.
I sat there trying to go over all the possible hard words in my mind, but what kept popping into my mind would not be found in my little Scripps spelling book.
No, Iwantolickyouallover was not in the book.
Neither was Pleaseletmeseeyourunderwear.
I became so distracted that I missed on a four-letter word.
Now, most teen-age boys are very affluent in four-letter word spellings.
But Barbie won when I spelled “gnat” — “nat.”
Heck, I could have spelled Antidisestablishmentarianism that day, but the little blonde teaser beat me because I missed “gnat.”

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This is the first time I’ve voted with the new machines. Gotta say I like the electronic voting machines.
It’s been a mess in some places, as it might be in Wichita Falls, but hopefully all will go well. I’ve heard all types of conspiracy theories about people hacking into the voting machine and changing votes that way. But you can’t be scared about everything.
I didn’t get to vote for the Bond issue, because I live in the City View School District, I guess, but I support the thing anyway.
From what I’m getting, a lot of people don’t want to give WFISD $60 million to screw around with.

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“Your vote makes a difference.?
It’s the great American lie.
I have been voting for 38 years now. I believe in voting. I try to vote in every election.
But my vote has never made a difference.
The only way that could happen is if an election were decided by one vote.
And never in my lifetime has that ever happened.
So Kinky won’t be governor just because I went to the polls today.
And Willie Nelson won’t be lieutenant governor or Joe Brown won’t be secretary of agriculture just because I wrote them in.?
Up until a few years ago, I used to write in Ham Vance on the ballot for elections that I didn’t know anything about or care anything about.
If you don’t know who Ham Vance was, ask you Daddy.
My presidential voting record is: 5-5
After starting out 0-2 with Humphrey (1968) and McGovern (1972), I finally won with Jimmy Carter in 1976,
But I lost with Carter in 1980. Won with Reagan in 1984. Won with Daddy Bush in 1988; Lost with Bush in 1992. Lost with Dole in 1996; Won with George W in 2000 and 2004.
Knowing what I know today this is how I would have voted.
1968: Humphrey.
1972: McGovern
1976: Carter
1980: Reagan
1984: Reagan
1988: Bush
1992: Clinton
1996: Clinton
2000: G.W.
2004: G.W.
You can see that I admit my mistakes.
And although I am not a fan of G.W., I certainly wouldn’t have wanted Gore or Kerry running this country.

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