Archive for October, 2006

My Halloween is off to a great start.
I woke up early this morning, about 7:30, to get ready for the day. I wasn’t going to wear a costume, I just had to pee real bad.
Anyways, I let the dog out. And for those who don’t know, I have a Great Dane. I love the dog, its just a 120 lb. puppy, but she is a hard head.
I let her out this morning and went on about my business.
But in a chain of unfortunate events, the gate from my backyard to the front yard was open.
After 20 minutes of realizing my dog wasn’t making any noise I peak outside.

(more…)

For most of my life, I have worn two costumes on Halloween.
From age 18 to age 39, I always dressed up as a smart-ass young white guy.
Then, for the next 17 years, I switched to a balding, smart ass old white guy.
When you are born with my face and have to wear it around 364 days a year, why would you want to put on a goofy or ugly mask one day a year? Makes so sense.
Then along came Nicholas and everything changed.
My little grandson now dictates my Halloween wardrobe.
Last year, when I asked him who he wanted to be on Halloween, he said “Batman.?
Then when I asked him what he wanted grandpa to be, he said “Big Batman.?
So guess what I did.
Yep, Big Batman. Cape, mask, the works.
My wife — Cat Woman — said I looked like a chipmunk dressed up like Batman.
But Nicholas was happy.
This year he chose to be Buzz Lightyear.
And he wants grandpa to be Woody.
So when the sun goes down tonight, there will be a big Woody at your house.
For many of you, it will be the first time you have seen a big Woody in a long, long time.

(more…)

I volunteered my time with some teens this past weekend, and we didn’t cause that much trouble.
Well, a little bit, but that’s not the point.
I actually had some fun. We “cleared land” according to my assignment sheet, but we did way more than that.
I was a community captain for the Hirschi JROTC group.
And if I can say so, a good bunch of young men and women.

(more…)

Unlike most of my colleagues, I don’t see gloom and doom for daily newspapers.
If that makes me president of the “Overly Optimist Club,? so be it.
But I still believe that 30 years or so from now, when my grandson breaks Barry Bonds’ and Hank Aaron’s home run records, he will be able to pick up a paper the next morning and read all about it.
Many others in this business will disagree.
Guys my age are just hoping their retirement comes before they “stop the press? forever.
Newspapers, they say, just can’t compete with 24-hour cable news and the Internet. By the time, a newspaper lands in your flower bed, everything in it is old news.
To me, cable news and the Internet aren’t a newspaper’s greatest competition.
Our biggest enemy is us.
In the last several years, newspapers have made a big effort to bring in new readers.
We “target? groups like:
Single mothers between the ages of 30 and 45 who tape Oprah every day, eat macaroni and cheese and love to square dance on weekends.
Or married men between the ages of 28 and 42 who have three kids, live in a trailer house and watch professional wrestling every night in their underwear.
(And if any of those people just happened to speak Spanish, we will really go after them.)
In our last two Sunday papers (notice I never say newspapers), we had front page stories on purple purses, pet guinea pigs, a gothic rock band and pet scorpions.
Not sure what “target? group all this was aimed at.

(more…)

I read a small article in the newspaper today about David Stern, commissioner for the NBA, and his feelings about his employees carrying guns.
NBA players’ images are synonymous with being thugs. As you read this, I could put some money on it too, that a basketball player somewhere, either professional or in the collegiate ranks, is one cleaning his/her gun or smoking weed.
Its just a fact in my eyes. I don’t know if it’s the professional image associated with this type of behavior, but someone somewhere is doing this.

(more…)

Last Saturday, the paper announced its endorsements for all of the races anybody cares about in the Nov. 7 election.
Whatever you do, don’t bet on any of them.
The paper’s endorsement record sucks.
It’s almost like people read these endorsements just to find out whom not to vote for.
For example, the paper has wholeheartedly endorsed the last two school bond issues.
The people said “no? both times.
Once again, the paper is backing the WFISD.
And once again, the people will say “no thanks.?
I wrote my opinion on this in Wednesday’s blog, so if you give a rat’s ass about what I think, you can go back and read or re-read that.
Today I want to give my endorsements on all the races anybody cares about.
The bosses at the paper never invite me to their editorial board interviews in which candidates are quizzed about opinions on various issues..
So my endorsements are based more on ignorance than on inside knowledge — which makes me much more in tune with the voters than the paper.
Before I give you my endorsements I must confess that thanks to George W. Bush, I now refuse to vote for any more Republicans for offices in which party affiliation matters.
Here goes:

(more…)

I apologize, for the last two days I’ve taken a little off time. Boy did I need it.
During the weekend, I juggled working here – with the cops beat – and helping my father-in-law redo the electrical at my house.
The work was fun, exciting, stressful, depressing and all the other little emotions you can throw in.
But living in Wichita Falls and wanting to do any type of construction work can be a challenge.

(more…)

For the third time in four years, I am going to vote “no? to a WFISD school bond proposal.
I really don’t want to, believe me.
I want my grandson to have the best education possible, and sometimes I feel like saying “no? to the school district is also saying “no? to little Nicholas.
Sorry, Nicholas, but grandpa just doesn’t trust these people with our money.
I didn’t trust them when the they wanted $121 million.
I didn’t trust them when it was $78 million.
And I still don’t trust them now that it has dropped to $60 million.
Just covering high school sports, I see so much waste of money in the WFISD.
I mean why do we need 13 football coaches for one high school?
Joe Golding won four state championships at Wichita Falls High with two assistant coaches.
Have times changed that much?
Do we really need year-round high school golf and tennis?
Do we really even need high school golf and tennis?
Do we really need freshman teams in all these sports?
Why not just JV and varsity?
The school district spends thousands and thousands of dollars on salaries and travel that I consider nothing but pure waste.
Kinda like having an assistant superintendent, huh?

(more…)

Monday Night Football is now 37th year.
It is the second longest running prime time TV show — two years younger than “60 Minutes.?
Since it started in 1970, more than 550 games have been shown on MNF.
So who really started this Monday night man thing?
(1.) ABC Sports and its president Roone Arledge.
(2,) NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle.
(3.) Divorce lawyers.
(4.) Beer companies. Also a major beneficiary.
(5.) Bookies. This added game gives all the losers a chance at double or nothing. It also gives the overconfident weekend winners a chance to come back to reality.
(6.) All of the above.

(more…)

We are starting to get “letters to the editor “supporting the Wichita Falls cop suspended because of what he put on his MySpace.com Web page.
The backers of Jeremiah Love refer to his “exemplary record? as a lawman.
And, as you would expect, the media is to be blamed for all the attention given to this story.
Bull S……….
This story is not about whether Love was a good cop or a bad cop.
It’s about him being a stupid cop.
When your job is to protect the good guys from the bad guys, you don’t go online telling the world that you are a “super hero/serial killer? who likes to dine on human flesh.
In no way do I think this cop is a cannibal.
This is just an online masquerade party, but the pretending can get a guy in deep do-do.
Just ask Julia Wilson.
She is a 14-year-old girl with freckles on her nose and braces on her teeth.
But she recently made news when two Secret Service agents came to her school and pulled her out of class.
Julia had posted the words “Kill Bush? on MySpace above “a cartoonish photo-collage of a knife stabbing the hand of the president.?

(more…)

An MSN study went deep into the “Dating” archives to try and judge a man based on the choice of costume.
It’s interesting and hilarious. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that a Superman is a knight in shinning armor and covering something up at the same time.
Who would have thunk it? I was always taught that judgment shouldn’t be rendered in any case, but trying to choose you man based on his choice of costume is nonsense.

(more…)

Ever since Gutenberg started printing Bibles, Baptists have been pounding people over the head with them.
They believe everything from God creating the world in six days to Armageddon.
And if you add or take away anything from the Bible — well, my friend, you are in big, big trouble.
Here is the official belief of the Southern Baptist Convention.
“The Holy Bible was written by men divinely inspired and is God’s revelation of Himself to man. It is a perfect treasure of divine instruction. It has God for its author, salvation for its end, and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter. Therefore, all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy.?
That is word-for-word from the Baptist Faith and Message — the Baptist constitution.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Being a Christian by faith and a Baptist by choice of church membership, I have no problem with that.
What I do have a problem with is when Baptist leaders pick and choose what is “truth.?
The trustees at Southwestern Baptist Seminary in Fort Worth — a school attended by many church leaders in this area — just ripped I Corinthians 14:39 right out of the Bible.

(more…)

Once upon a time, Nevada had a monopoly on casino gambling.
Today, according to the American Gaming Association, 27 states have full casino operations.
Although Texas isn’t one of them, we here in Hooterville Falls only have to drive less than 20 miles to play blackjack, poker or the slots.
Those friendly Indians (I mean, Mustangs) over in Oklahoma will gladly take our money.
So why go to Vegas anymore?
There are no more $2 steak dinners.
No more $2 limit tables.
No more Rat Pack.
No more Siegfried and Roy.
Elvis is dead and so is Binny Binion.
My fourth wife and I got married in The Little Chapel by the Courthouse — just two blocks down from the Golden Nugget.
And there ain’t going to be a No. 5.
So why go to Vegas anymore?
The lawmakers in Nevada have been asking themselves the same question.
The casinos are running out of gadgets.
And guys like me aren’t going to run through airports just to find a 99-cent shrimp cocktail.
Knowing that, Nevada is considering legalizing one more sin to lure you and me to Sin City.
Marijuana!
I’ll smoke to that.

(more…)

I grew up in th 80s so not a lot of people are going to want to continue, but I wanna look back in time and take a stroll down the Hallowenn Costume memory lane.
How have costumes changed over the years? I’m going to say a ton.
You can buy basically anything now a days to look like an extra in a movie. In the 80s Halloween costumes really started to change.
Consumers wanted something different, mainly kids, in my estimation when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles showed up.

(more…)

Some of the people in “Hooterville Falls? don’t like me calling our town “Hooterville Falls.?
But since I have spent most of 60 years living here, I think I have the right to call it anything I want to.
And “Hooterville Falls? certainly fits.
Just think about it — if you wanted to take visitors on a guided tour of the Falls, what would you proudly show them?
Look to your right, folks, and you will see the famous Crappy Myrtle in the park.
Our city spent $50,000 to have that wonderful piece of art put here for people to laugh at and for birds to crap on.
Now, as we pass through what used to be the downtown area, we are getting close to the famous “Littlest Skyscraper.?
Please feel free to get out your cameras and take as many photos as you wish of this fabulous structure, which some say was built close to the ground so that Muslim terrorists would not even think about flying airplanes into it.
As we head south on I-44, as many cars and trucks do every day, you will get a breathtaking view of the “Chocolate Falls.?
A few years back people wanted to put the Falls back in Hooterville Falls, and this was the best we could do.
It’s your lucky day because today the fake Falls are actually on. Most of the time, there is no muddy water running out of it.

(more…)

The Miami Hurricanes are awful.
Larry Coker’s ship is sinking – fast. After Saturday’s debacle, I don’t know what to expect out of one of my favorite college teams.
That “Bravado” they always talk about is just a faternatity that stays out of handcuffs. They have swagger, but they haven’t won much in the past couple of years.
Larry Coker walked into a great situation that Butch Davis left him. The drop off in talent can be seen, and they haven’t landed all the blue-chips like they used to.
But who’s counting?

(more…)

Due to being called away on an “emergency? assignment (the SAFB/BCI golf tournament), I am writing my Friday the 13th blog on Saturday the 14th.
Please forgive me.
Some will tell you that Friday the 13th of October, 1967 was my lucky day.
But there were four guys in our car when it crashed just south of Jacksboro. The car hit a bar ditch and flipped four times. The other three guys walked away without a scratch. My right arm was underneath the car.
I still have noticeable scars on my arm and a 1967 skin graft on my right hand.
I haven’t been able to make a fist with that hand in 39 years.
The four of us were headed to Arlington for a Coyote football game. My friend – the driver of the car – had little experience, if any, in highway driving.
And it almost cost me my life.
We were just south of Jacksboro – officially Joplin, Texas. The road had just changed from four lanes to two lanes, and my buddy was driving on the shoulder with a truck on his left. He sped up to get around the truck and lost control of the car.
We were in the northbound lane, heading south, about to crash head-on into another car.
My friend turned the steering wheel and the car headed for a bar ditch.
When it hit –about 90 mph—it flipped in the air and turned over four times before landing on me.
They say at times like these, your whole life flashes before your eyes in a matter of seconds.
My Mama had been killed in a car crash five years earlier.
All I could think about during those few seconds was – I am going to die like her.

(more…)

I’m contemplating why I work at the newspaper.
Am I supposed to work here? Do I have a blessed hand that makes my words more important than others.
I’m just messing around. I’m just making fun of Terrell Owens. What an idiot.
I can believe he has the audacity to question why he’s on a team.
The Cowboys are 2-2, and he hasn’t played that well. Cry me a River, Mr. Owens. I wish I was a Cowboy. Hell, I wish I was a reporter who covered the Cowboys.

(more…)

I’m going to ruin my buddy’s, Robert Morgan – fellow TRN reporter, fun.
He reviewed The Departed, the new film with Jack Nicholson, for tomorrow’s NEXT.
I’m ruining it because I saw it last night, and its one of th better films I’ve seen in a long, long time.
It has the gore of Scarface, the attitude of about every Jack Nicholson movie and the bravado of a Martin Scorsese production.
The film is good. But don’t continue reading if you don’t want to spoil the movie.

(more…)

Ruta Lee now has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Can Peggy Cass and Charles Nelson Reilly be far behind?
If making movies like “Elvis and the Beauty Queen,? being a guest on “Love Boat? and sitting on the bottom row for “Hollywood Squares? can get you a star, well I may still have a chance.
After all, I do have a one-minute weekly radio show on the Buzz and I have been a guest on “Sports Central.?
When I saw in the paper this morning that Ruta had a star on that famous sidewalk, my first thought was:
Who did she sleep with?
Then I saw where she’s 70.
Hey, she’s a hot 70, but she’s still 70.
Do 70-year-old people still . . . .?
I hope so.
Then I found out that making the Hollywood Walk of Fame is no big deal.
There are 2,318 stars on that sidewalk, honoring five categories of entertainment — TV, radio, live theater, movies and music.
Terry Bradshaw has a star.
Arsenio Hall was one.
So are the whole Osmond family and Big Bird and Pee Wee Herman and the Harlem Globetrotters.
Even our Hooterville Falls hometown hero, Tommy Tune, has a star.

(more…)