Thanks, Louie; I’m choking to death.

“Where are you preaching?” “Who died?” “Man, you clean up pretty good.” Those are just some of things I hear when I wear a coat and tie. Most of you have never seen me in a coat and tie. That’s because it happens about as often as Haley’s Comet comes to town. For me, dressing…

Yaaaay, Julie! Boo, Rider!

Julie Callahan made a stand. I applaud her for it. While the rest of Rider High School’s senior class of 2006, walked across the stage to receive their diplomas Saturday night, Julie — wearing her cap and gown –sat in the audience with her parents. She made a choice on Thursday, going to watch Rider’s…

Remember the heroes!

‘If you are able, save them a place inside of you, and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go. Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not always have. Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep…

10-under -par not bad for a 20-handicapper

I’m headed to the golf course this afternoon — the second time this week that I am playing a benefit “scramble.” When I get home tonight and the wife asks “How did you play?” I will answer somewhere between 7 and 10 under par. But there is no way I can shoot anything close to…

Mavs can’t run with the Suns

When I woke up Wednesday morning, I thougt the Dallas Mavericks were headed for the NBA Finals. The biggest hurdle had already been cleared. The defending champion Spurs had been conquered. Phoenix, without Amare Stoudemire, wouldn’t be much of a problem. But when I went to bed morning, my attitude had done a 360. The…

It’s a graduation ceremony — not Hamlet!

“You will sit here between Garfield and Goosbly. When you see me raise my hand, your row will stand up and go toward the stage. When your name is called, you will receive your diploma. You then leave the stage and go back to your seat.” That was my graduation practice. It took about 15…

More than a bad hair day for sweet Audrey

A year ago Audrey watched her father kidnapped by terrorists and then saw her boyfriend kill her husband. Later in the day, her boyfriend was killed. I would call that more than just some “bad hair day” for sweet Audrey. But it wasn’t the worse day of her life. This year Audrey’s bad day started…

God, this is getting old!

Surveys have shown that readers want more religion in their newspaper. That may come as a shock to you. I know it did to me. If you have been reading our paper the past few months, you might have noticed that we are trying to give people what they ask for. You are getting more…

Two-pack for sure is off limits

Mike Tyson’s best punch was often the low blow. The opening bell would ring and Iron Mike would charge across the ring and pound a guy right in his two-pack. The referee would give Tyson a warning. But the other guy was forced to fight with his testicles stuck in his throat. Remember, though, this…

She loves you — nah, nah, nah

So what would you guess is Heather Mills McCartney’s favorite Beatles song? Lucy in the Sky? (Nah). Let it Be? (Nope). Yesterday? (Not today.) Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band? (Not for me, but Paul might dig it.) No, there’s only one old Beatles’ song at the top of Heather’s chart today. And it goes…

Do as the Romans do.

For most of my life I have been in favor of the death penalty. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Fry ‘em. Gas ‘em. Stick a needle in ‘em. Stick a form in ‘em — they’re done! Just kill ‘em and rid our planet of all these scum bags. But when…

My God, Martha!

As far as First Ladies go, Martha Logan is a babe. But remember, we’re lot comparing her to Eva Longoria here. We’re stacking her up against other First Ladies. And Eleanaor Roosevelt ain’t Eva Longoria. During my boyhood, First Ladies were like schoolteachers. None of my teachers were tall sexy, big-bosomed blondes. They were all…

Hug your Mama, I wish i could hug mine

This is a re-run of my Mother’ Day blog from a year ago. —- I always get kind of sentimental at this time of year. That’s because I have always been a Mama’s boy. And, boy, do I miss my Mama. She has been gone for almost 43 years. I was only 16 – a…

These goofballs give Baptists a bad name.

Curiosity took me to their Web site “Warning. Gospel Preaching Ahead” — the large yellow sign told me. Then there was a whole bunch of stuff about sodomites and Jesus Christ and Hell surrounded by a lot of “Thee” and “Thou” King James Bible scriptures supposedly backing it all up. I didn’t bother to read…

President Logan’s a wimp!

The President of the United States sat in his office, sipping Scotch and staring at his pistol. Pull the trigger and it would all be over quickly. The country would be saved from some long, drawn out expensive trial in which a U.S. president would be accused of plotting the murder of a former U.S.…

I want my Sunday paper back!

This may be my final blog. I can get away with saying the assistant superintendent should be fired and illegal aliens should be jailed, even though my bosses may not agree. I can rag on college basketball coaches, teenage perverts and George W. Bush. I can even make fun of the company’s phone answering lessons…

NBA Playoffs

Ok, so the Mavericks lost by two points in Game 1. THis will be a great series. Can’t wait for Game 2. And speaking of great series, that Phoenix-Lakers seven-gamer will be hard to top. A couple of ESPN Classics mixed in there, although Game 7 was a stinker. People like to compare Kobe to…

Cinco de Mayo? I’ll drink to that!

I really think Cinco de Mayo was invented by On the Border. Check it out tonight if you don’t believe me. The place — which on this one day expands into the parking lot — will be packed. There will be a whole lotta margariteer drinking and enchilader eating there tonight. In fact, On the…